


Down The Road

by imthekingoftheocean (im_the_king_of_the_ocean)



Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Adventure, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mention of Past Draal/Nomura, Post Season 3 coping and future adventures, Romance, Slice of Life, Spoilers, what happens next
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-05-13 19:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14754791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/imthekingoftheocean
Summary: The Eternal Night and the Battle of Arcadia changed things forever.  It’s impossible to go back, so everyone slowly adjusts to the new realities of their lives, whether those be recovering and rebuilding Arcadia or trekking across the country to find a new Heartstone.





	1. New Phone (Jim)

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where I'm going with this really, but I've been angsty and emotional all day after watching Season 3 in one massive go last night (wasn't planning on watching them all at once but once I got in I couldn't stop) so here we are. Since I'm better at figuring out my emotions by writing, I sat down and started writing about our favorite characters and this is what ended up coming out. I think I will add onto it cause I think maybe it will help me feel less sad about the show ending (I know 3Below and Wizards are coming, but they won't be the same). I just kinda want to know their next adventures and I still want to write fanfics and I kinda like the idea of them texting stories back and forth so I'm rolling with this, whatever this is (seriously I just wrote this in the past hour I had no prior plan for it and I have no idea what the crap I'm doing).

There were many new things about being half-troll that were going to take some time to adjust to.Supernatural things.Fun things. _Great_ things even.

Scary things.

Having a hard time texting had not been one Jim had been expecting.He hadn’t really considered his new _beefiness_ might make it slightly problematic to type in letters on…on what was truly a small device.A small, human device and he wasn’t…well he _was_ …well, sort of.Fifty percent?Fifty percent.

Regardless of what he personally was (which he still had a hard time thinking about), Jim wanted to be able to text.He’d promised his mom he’d keep in contact while they made their way to New Jersey.Plus, he wanted to be able to talk to Toby regularly.Jim missed his best friend.Toby was like soap in the Darklands, you don’t know how much you’re going to miss his presence until he’s gone and you can’t just go across the street to hang out or talk or _anything_.

There was also Arcadia.Home.Everything had changed.And would continue to change.Without him (something about that hurt).Humans and trolls, coexisting.Bagdwella and Toby’s dentist maybe becoming a thing?Ok, Jim honestly didn’t want to know about that one (he only did because it was Badgwella’s rather lengthy explanation on why she wasn’t coming with most of the trolls on the New Heartstone expedition).Also Dictatious had sort of moved into the Domzalski house just before they’d set out.He and Nana got along surprisingly well.They’d bonded over avoiding the battle by watching old detective shows.Then there were other things, like what the Creepslayerz were up to and those new, weird kids at school.Jim hoped those two weren’t too freaked out by the events that had so soon followed their arrival.Life in Arcadia was, well it was great.Or had been.

Claire grabbed hold of Jim’s hand.“Everything ok?I know things are going to be a bit rough.We don’t really know what we’re doing and—”

“Yes, Claire.It’s fine.Everything’s fine.” 

Jim sighed at his old phone, or its remains in the palm of his troll hand.He’d accidentally smashed it about twenty minutes ago.He’d been trying to send his first text to his mom since it had been a full day since they’d left Arcadia and his fingers were so huge that, that he’d pretty much sent her numerous texts of random letters thrown together that probably confused the shit out of her.

Barbara hadn’t responded before Jim’s frustration had led to smashing.

Something inside Jim, something from the new troll part, lashed out.He needed to hit something.To take out his anger on something.He was _angry_.The world deserved his wrath. 

Jim’s human half panicked.His heart race.He’d never really been that violent, at least not before trollhunting.And still, he didn’t want to have to hurt anyone.Not if he didn’t have to.

_What if…what if…what if…_

“No, Claire.”Jim looked down at his trembling hands.He thought of a moment on Arcadia High’s roof, when everyone had been there for them.Hugging Blinky.It had been nice.“I…I lied.It’s not fine.”He held out the broken pieces of his phone to her.“I busted it and I promised my mom, and Toby, and what if they need us to portal back and.I’m not…”He leaned forward and grabbed his horns with his hands and curled up into himself.

Claire put her hand on his back.“Jim, it’s going to be ok.I’m scared too, but this is why we have each other.”She smiled at him when he looked up at her.“And, you know, a centuries-old wizard who owes us one or two favors, at least.Hey Merlin!”She yelled over to where he sat on the other side of the cave they’d made camp in for the day.

“Yes, my dear Claire, what is it?”

“Think you can whip up some kind of magic troll phone?”

“A what?”

In the end, Jim’s new phone was a joint effort between Merlin and Blinky, who was quite insistent on being involved in the process.The end result was an interesting and mystifying device that, Merlin said, would take some time to unlock all the true hidden potential and powers of (that was A Thing with him, apparently.Merlin could never help being just a bit extra when it came to making devices).

The next day, after the sun rose and they’d found a dense forest to camp in, Jim texted for the first time.

 

_To: Mom, Toby_

_Hi!Sorry it took a couple days for me to text but my old phone got busted so Merlin and Blinky made me a new one.You’d like it Tobes, it has some kind of magic thing going on, showers rainbow sparks on occasion and it doesn’t need a service connection or anything!Don’t worry bout the sparks mom they’re not harmful or anything.Anyway, things are going good, Blinky says we’re making good time and to tell ARRRGGGHHH!!!!! that he says hi and that he’s started on a phone for him that he’d send back somehow so they can talk regularly too.Mom Nomura says you and her already have each other’s numbers and her phone still works so you’re good?Anyway, the funniest thing happened while we were traveling yesterday, these two trolls were inspecting some mushrooms and…_

 

Jim spent most of the day talking to them, since his body wasn’t yet adjusted to its new, nocturnal schedule and insisted on being awake during the daytime.Well, talking to Tobes mostly.His mom was busy treating the injured from the Battle of Arcadia and had to focus more on what she was doing.Toby was on cleanup duty and didn’t mind taking numerous breaks to give Jim “Official Trollhunter Updates”, which everyone believed were legit because Toby was now the Arcadia Trollhunter leader.

So Jim got to hear about how Toby and ARRRGGGHHH!!!! were doing.What most recent annoying thing Dictatious had done.About Strickler joining up with the Nunezes to find foster homes for all the familiar babies.About Aja and Krel, the weird new kids, who’d, out of anyone, asked the weirdest questions.

The future was unknown and that uncertainty was terrifying.

But Jim had a feeling things would eventually work out.

Though not before a few hiccups, bumps, and adventures down the road though.


	2. No One Is Alone (Toby)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toby copes, with some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 80% sure this chapter does make sense, but I finally started crying over the TH characters and the new season halfway through writing it and then have remained an emotional mess since then so it's not exactly my most well-edited piece of writing (I did my best tho). Still, it does have a narrative (I think probably) but mostly follows Toby as he copes.
> 
> Also anyone remember in "Hero With A Thousand Faces", when Vendel introduces the stones for the amulet, he says one allows for the ability to walk in daylight? Cause I do.
> 
> Not in this chapter specifically, but soon.

_3:00 AM_

_Jimbo: hey Tobes anyone making my mom dinners?_

_3:22 AM_

_Me: it’s the middle of the night dude can’t this wait until morning_

 

The next morning Toby winced at his text.Yes, he’d been cranky to have been woken up before dawn, but this was Jim _._ His best friend.Who’d he’d known since forever. 

Who’d gone on and become part-troll and recently left on an epic quest.

Without him.

Toby looked at his phone again.Jim was just worried about his mom, so normal Jim.Since he did mother his mom a lot, or once had.Anyway, the text was normal, understandable Jim behavior.It was relieving actually.He could pretend that Jim was just off for a weekend with his grandparents like that one (and only) time when they were thirteen and just anxious because his mom was a terrible cook.

Except Toby would go downstairs, eat breakfast with Nana, make sure the cats were fed (and Dictatious hadn’t eaten any—the troll had promised but Toby still didn’t trust him), walk outside, hop on his bike, and…

Not coast across the street to Jim’s, because Jim wasn’t there and Toby wasn’t headed to school, but to City Hall.Post-battle cleanup was still underway and, as the human who had the most experience with trolls left, Toby was often needed as a go-between for Arcadia’s citizens and trollkind.Therefore, Toby would pedal past the Lake house as fast as he could to avoid looking at it.Then, after helping mediate whatever human-troll arguments had flared up in his absence, Toby would join a cleanup crew and get to work rebuilding Arcadia.He wouldn’t have time to think of Jim the rest of the day.He’d be too distracted.Too focused.

Plus, Jim slept in the daytime now so he was probably safe and asleep somewhere, some nice cozy cave most likely.Yep.Jim would be too busy too.

Toby took a deep breath and went downstairs.

After breakfast, he took out his phone and first sent a quick text to Claire’s mom that he had “Trollhunting business” to manage and wouldn’t be available until later.Then, after a while of trying to figure out what to write in it, he sent another.

 

_10:14 AM_

_To:Dr. L_

_hey dr L interested in some tacos?_

 

Toby stared at the text after he sent it.Ok, maybe it wasn’t the best text or explicitly what Jim wanted to know, but Toby honestly wasn’t sure how to go about asking Barbara if she’d been eating regularly.She was his best friend’s mom.He was familiar with her, sure.But still.This felt weird.Especially because Jim hadn’t apparently asked his mom himself outright.He considered sending Jim a text asking why he’d sent his first one, but, after how he handled it last night, Toby wasn’t sure that would be a good idea either.

Had he hurt Jim?He hadn’t meant to.He just got super cranky in the middle of the night.Jim knew that.Toby hadn’t thought it would come across like he was brushing Jim off.Is that why Jim never texted back after that?Or was it something else?Had they run into trouble or…

Toby’s phone vibrated before his mind could come up with even worse scenarios.He unlocked it.

 

_10: 24 AM_

_Dr L: Sorry Toby, I_

 

It took 26 minutes of Toby anxiously waiting and writing then deleting possible texts before Barbara sent him a second message.

 

_10:45 AM_

_Dr. L: sorry about that Toby, we got in a group they rescued from a collapsed building and this is the first I could get back to you.Thank you for the offer but I’ll be pretty busy here today.Maybe another time?_

 

_10:46 AM_

_Dr. L: how are you holding up?_

 

Toby blinked at that second text.Great.How was he supposed to respond to that?He took a sharp breath.The longer he waited the more she’d worry probably.He swiftly typed.

 

_10:51 AM_

_Me: fine everything’s great :)_

_Dr L: that’s good, I’m glad to hear it_

_Dr. L: but if you ever need someone to lend an ear, just know I’m here_

 

Toby took a deep breath.

 

_10:56 AM_

_Me: have you heard from jim today?_

_Dr L: No, why?_

 

_11:00 AM_

_Me: Can we talk?_

_Dr. L: where do you want to meet?_

 

Twenty minutes later, Toby waited at the park near the museum, or what remained of it.The statue that had stood at its center had been broken and lay in shattered pieces on the ground.The wind blew around a pile of dust where one of the benches had been.Half a Gumm-Gumm arm lay in the grass.It reminded Toby of the one that the museum had put on exhibit, ages ago now, back when they’d hunted that first gruesome (more had shown up after the battle and he’d had to explain to everyone about the flour).Toby thought of flour babies, of Sir Isaac Gluten, and allowed himself to smile. He missed adventures like that, even if that specific one had almost put him in hot water with Darci.Those had been the good days of Trollhunting, back when it still felt like an awesome adventure and not…

Toby felt his cheeks grow hot.His eyes swam with tears.

“Toby, are you alright?Did something happen?”

Of all the moments for Dr. Lake to show up, of course she had to show up now.

“No, no I’m fine.”Toby sniffed.“Nothing happened.Jim just texted me last night.I think he’s worried about you.He wanted to know if you’ve been eating well since he’s not here to cook anymore.You know I never told him how much I liked his cooking.Never.I critiqued it though.I thought it would help him be a better chef.”Toby wiped his eyes.What was this?Baby day?No, he was fine.He had accepted that Jim had left, but.“And now he—he eats spoons and things and he’ll never cook again probably and I never told him and I was cranky because he woke me up in the middle of the night and—”Toby stopped when he felt Barbara’s arms wrap around him in a hug.And then they were sitting on one of the few remaining smooth patches of pavement.

“Shhh.It’s ok, Toby.You’re ok.”

“Sorry, I’m fine.I’m fine.I’m—”

Barbara held him.“Toby, it’s healthy to cry.It’s a perfectly normal reaction to emotional duress.You don’t have to apologize.”She paused.“You’ve been through a lot.We all have.Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…I want to see ARRRGGGHHH!!!!”Toby wiped his eyes.“He’s staying in the forest on the outskirts of town right now.”Toby wanted someone familiar.Someone who also had been in their original Trollhunter group.His wingman.

“I’ll drive you.”Barbara helped him up.

In the car, they were quiet.Barbara put on the radio for a second, but all they got was static and the local station giving updates on battle recovery, so she quickly turned it off.The front seat felt strange to Toby.It had always been where Jim sat when Barbara drove them places.

It took them longer than usual to reach the forest.They kept having to swerve past damage and spent a while finding streets that weren’t torn up.But, eventually, they made it.

ARRRGGGHHH!!! came to the edge of the forest as soon as they parked.He couldn’t come any closer due to sunlight, so Toby and Barbara walked to him.

“Toby,”The big guy rumbled.“What’s wrong.”

“I…”Toby sighed and looked back at Barbara who nodded at him.He looked back to ARRRGGGHHH!!!“It hurts.”He sniffed.“Jim’s gone and Blinky.And Claire.”

“I here.With wingman.”

“I know, but they’re gone.We don’t know when we’ll see them again.It just hurts, you know?”

ARRRGGGHHH!!! looked down at the ground.“I know.Miss Blinky.And others.”He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.It breezed past Toby and Barbara.“But we together still.That good.”He gently wrapped an arm around Toby.“Defeat Gunmar.Morgana.That good.”He reached out to Barbara.She hesitated, but then stepped forward and allowed him to pull her into the hug too.“No one alone.”ARRRGGGHHH!!! hugged them.“We together.We help each other.With the pain.”

The three of them settled on the forest floor.Barbara and Toby leaned against ARRRGGGHHH!!!.ARRRGGGHHH!!! kept his arms wrapped around them both comfortably.For a moment, they felt more at peace than they had in days.

…

That night, there were quite a few people at the Lake house.It was the first time Toby had been there since Jim left and something in him ached.But he was with ARRRGGGHHH!!! and Barbara, and his Nana, who’d come over too (not Dictatious, though, he wasn’t invited to their little get-together).Toby had texted Darci and she’d come, and they’d talked alone for an hour.

It felt awkward at first to explain everything to Darci after keeping it secret for so long, but it kind of felt good too.The past few days Toby had thrown himself into helping fix Arcadia, into being as much an adult as he could.A part of him wanted to race to the future, to ignore all that had happened, so he wouldn’t have to think about it.But, sitting on the Lakes’ couch with Darci, laughing at something she’d said, Toby realized it felt good to be here in the present too.To not pretend that things were different and that his best friend wasn’t gone.

He wasn’t alone.None of them were alone.

“So…” Darci began and Toby turned his full attention back to her.“Do you think the magic stones are still down in Trollmarket?I mean, it’s probably all wrecked and stuff down there.But you said Vendel said the stones that power up Jim’s amulet thing were like super important.So they’d have to be hidden somewhere safe, right?”

Toby shrugged.“I don’t know.I wasn’t actually there when Jim tried them out.”Nor had he witnessed the fiasco of the Jim clones (a part of him regretted missing that).“Why do you want to know?”

“Well, if one allows a troll the ability to walk in daylight, you think it could let Jim?”

Toby gasped.Yelled for ARRRGGGHHH!!!

“Hey wingman!We have to go to Trollmarket!And get one of those power-up stones for Jimbo!It’ll let him walk in daylight!Come on!We gotta go see if we can find it!”

Later, while preparations for their Trollmarket expedition were being made (since Barbara insisted that they had to be prepared before going in), Toby texted Jim back.

 

_11:45 PM_

_To: Jimbo_

_Hey Jimbo sorry about last night.Middle of the night isn’t my best time, but don’t worry, your mom is doing good (really misses you tho, u should text her).ARRRGGGHHH!!!’s gonna move into your house with her.Bet you didn’t know this but he’s actually a great cook.Well for humans.Trolls hate his stuff (ask Blinky for horror stories from when wingman tried a romantic meal thing when they first started dating).But to us humans, its delicious!So don’t worry about your mom eating dinner right.She’s totally covered._

_Oh yeah and we’re going to go down into Trollmarket and see if we can get you a totally super secret surprise but I can’t tell you what it is because its a secret…_


	3. Define Normal (Claire)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claire's chapter

_6:45 PM_

_To: Darci, Mary_

_Me: hey girls! how r things with u?_

 

_6:48 PM_

_Darci: srry c-bomb cant talk g2g on important mission w TP_

_Mary: u haven’t left already? srsly?_

_Me: what mission?what r u guys up 2?_

 

_6:51 PM_

_Darci: yeah sooo frustrating_

_Darci: we were gonna go last night but_

_Darci: dr lake said we had to plan it out in DETAIL cause we dont know whats down there_

_Darci: makes sense but it means we had to wait forever_

_Darci: and I had 2 go home so dad wouldnt freak_

 

_6:56 PM_

_Mary: awwww poor baby :’(_

_Darci: thx :P_

 

_6:59 PM_

_Darci: tonight its on tho_

_Mary: I want aaaaaallllll the juicy details_

_Mary: u know what I mean ;)_

 

_7:00 PM_

_Me: WHAT IS GOING ON???_

_Me: I leave town for one week_

 

_7:01 PM_

_Mary: feels longer :( miss u_

_Darci: yeah girl things haven’t been the same since u left :(_

 

_7:04 PM_

_Me: I miss u guys too :’(_

 

_7:08 PM_

_Mary: bet u dont miss ur bf tho_

_Mary: how is the unsupervised life_

_Mary: what i would give for even 5 min with someone alone like u guys_

 

_7:10 PM_

_Me: ummm so_

_Me: ur mission?what is it?_

 

_7:11 PM_

_Mary: Darce is just going on on a super secret mission to ur bf’s troll world no biggie :)_

_Me: ur going to TROLLMARKET?_

_Darci: its v serious mare_

 

Darci is typing…

 

_7:12 PM_

_Mary: @Darci u sure it won’t be_

 

_7:13 PM_

_Mary: LIVELY_

 

_7:14 PM_

_Darci: omfg im going to murder u_

_Mary: that wouldn’t be v LEGAL_

 

_7:16 PM_

_Me: umm guys?_

_Mary: srry srry_

_Darci:mares been hanging w the new girl Aja_

 

_7:17 PM_

_Mary: shes totally cool_

_Mary: we’re setting up this “moral booster” party thing 4 the town_

_Mary: & her lil bro has like The Best music/lights setup ever_

 

_7:20 PM_

_Darci: srry guys really g2g now_

_Darci: we’re starting the climb down_

_Mary: k txt when u get back_

_Darci: will do_

_Me: bye be safe!_

 

Claire stared at her phone for another five minutes, but no more texts came.She shoved the device in her pocket.Rested her head in her hand and stared out at the world beyond the entrance of the cave they’d chosen to camp in that night.The others would be getting up soon and they’d be moving on.This had been her only chance to try and talk to her friends until, well until tomorrow evening probably.They’d be traveling all night and she’d finally adjusted to daytime sleeping.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket.

Claire wasted no time in pulling it back out and unlocking it.Her face lit up.Maybe Mary had time to talk more and they’d actually discuss random, silly things like they used to and…Claire frowned.

 

_7:32 PM_

_(unknown number):_

_greetings Claire!!!!!!!!!this is Aja (of Cantaloupia) my friend Mary gave me your “telephone number” so that me may do the instant time over distance talk!I am good.How are you?Your municipality of Arcadia is quite more strange than you said it was.Did you not know there were the trolls?They are very friendly and not scary at all.I am intrigued by their stone skin and their inability to stand under the rays of your star.I wonder if the reason is genetic.The one who’s name is a battle cry ARRRGGGHHH!!! is very shy and does not like when I ask the probing questions but I found your brother.He is adorable but do not touch his scruff he does not like that.Respond back with your text device soon - Aja._

 

Claire sighed.She locked her phone and put it back in her pocket.She didn’t want to explain anything or answer any weird questions tonight. 

She walked away from the sunlit world and deeper into the cave.When it got too dark to see, she pulled out her flashlight from her backpack and set it on its lowest setting (she’d learned fairly quickly that using it around trolls tended to freak them out since they perceived any shining light as sunlight).With luck, Jim would be up and maybe they could talk finally.About whatever they wanted.Anything.Nothing.

Though, unlike her, Jim had had no problems with adapting to a nocturnal schedule.Being half troll, Claire supposed, helped with that.

Claire tripped.Stumbled.Managed to balance herself just before falling on the troll she’d tripped on.She cursed.Her fingers scrambled to find purchase on the damp cave wall.

“Hey!”The troll sat up.“Watch we’re you’re going,” he rumbled.

“Oh.Sorry.”Claire replied.“I didn’t see you there.”

“Whatever.”The troll shrugged, turned over, and went back to sleep.

Claire rolled her eyes.She turned her flashlight to sweep over the rest of the cave.“Jim?”She whispered, trying to spot his familiar shape in the gloom.“Jim?”

The light roused more trolls, who were not happy in the slightest about it.

“Turn that off!”

“What’s with the light?”

“It’s the human girl.”

“Stupid human girl.”

“Doesn’t she know we trolls are sensitive to light?”

Claire groaned.“Has anyone seen Jim?”She dared ask, but her question got ignored.The trolls continued to complain about her.

“Hey!Lay off her!”Jim’s voice echoed from deeper in the cave.Claire heard his footsteps as they thudded closer.And then he appeared from behind two trolls and stepped into the dim, yellowy glow cast by Claire’s flashlight.

Claire had never considered herself the type of girl who would like a supernatural boyfriend.The vampire teen romance craze had swept right past her when it happened.But there was something admittedly appealing about her half-troll boyfriend, once she’d gotten a little more time to adjust to his new appearance.She’d loved Jim how he was as a skinny, awkward kid with a cute smile.And she loved him now that his smile was framed by fangs.Though she didn’t yet have the courage to admit she thought he was kinda hot.

If a little smelly.Claire ignored the urge to hold her nose as Jim approached her.It wasn’t that Jim didn’t bathe.He did, whenever they found a stream with enough water.It was, he insisted on wearing the same baggy, never-to-be-washed sweatshirt whenever he wasn’t in armor.Claire understood.Sort of.The sweatshirt was an old one of his mom’s and the only piece of clothing they’d found in his house that would fit his new, half-troll form.According to Jim (all Claire got from it was sweat and other unidentifiable, unpleasant smells), the sweatshirt still carried the scent of Barbara and of home.So wearing it, for Jim, was a comfort.

Still, Claire secretly wished he’d chosen something else for that purpose.

“How’re you doing?”Jim searched Claire’s eyes when he reached her.“We could go outside.Get some fresh air?”He paused.“If it’s dark enough.”

“It is.The sun was setting while I was out there earlier.”Claire offered a tentative smile.

“All right!Come on!Race you!”

Jim shot off.He bound down the length of the cave with ease.Jumping over stalagmites when he had to.Reaching up to brush stalactites with his fingertips.

Claire could hear him laugh as he went, but she didn’t race him.She wouldn’t run in a cave.Not unless she had too.Unlike the trolls, it would be all too easy for her to trip and twist her ankle or something.

Jim waited for her at the entrance of the cave.“Come on, you didn’t even try that time.”

“Some of us don’t have heightened troll senses that help in getting around dark caves, mister.”

“Oh, right.”Jim wilted.“Forgot.”

“No biggie.”Claire tried smiling again, but she couldn’t quite manage it.“So what do you want to do?”

Jim sat down on a boulder.“I, well, we could—”

“Jim!Jim, I am in need of your assistance!”Blinky called from the entrance of the cave.“We must rouse our brethren so we may start on our way for the night.”He noticed Claire.“Claire, could you please replenish our water supply.I fear we will soon run out.”

Jim huffed and jumped off his boulder.“I guess that’s that.”

“Yeah.”Claire sighed.

_…_

Somewhere around midnight, Claire found herself walking next to Nomura as the group traveled.Claire peered at the changeling.Quickly averted her gaze to a large tree when Nomura noticed.

“Is something troubling you?”Nomura voice was low, so low no one else could hear what she said.

“No.”

“That’s a lie.I assure you I have no intention of betraying the group. You do not need fear that from me.It would not be in my best interest.”Nomura pursed her lips.“I find it admirable that you maintain suspicion regardless.”

“That’s so reassuring.”

“And that’s sarcasm.”

“Nomura, why are you here?”Claire snapped.“The trolls have to be.They need a Heartstone.But you don’t.So—”

“It was in my best interest to come.”Nomura said with finality.“The same cannot be said about you.As a human, you have no stake in troll affairs.Why leave your family and friends?A warm loving home?For weeks of endless, tiresome walking.”

“Jim needs—”

“The Trollhunter has his surrogate father and the wizard.”The second monicker, Nomura spat out like it was particularly bitter.Claire smirked at that, so she wasn’t the only one who didn’t like Merlin.Nomura eyed her.“The Trollhunter may be fond of you, but he does not need you.”

Claire’s eyes went wide.She stopped dead.“Gee, thanks for that.You must know so much about love.”Claire tried to come up with the worst insult imaginable, something that would really cut at Nomura, but she didn’t know what would get under the changeling’s skin.

Nomura studied Claire’s face as the girl thought.“I apologize.I see my words were upsetting to you.That was not my intent.”

“Then _what_ was?”

“I merely wanted to point out that you have a home.No one else here does.Why leave yours for youthful love?”Nomura stopped to kick a stone into the nearby underbrush.“When young love so often does not last.”Her eyes returned to Claire.“You sacrifice everything in the name of the Trollhunter, but do you realize what you’re sacrificing?I see how you try to communicate with your friends.I see how the trolls regard you.You have given up a community worth cherishing for one undeserving of your time.Do you wonder how long your friends will wait for you?”She inspected her fingernails.“They will move on.You and the Trollhunter could break things off.And then where would that leave you?As I said, you do not belong here.”

“Like you know so much.”The words were out of Claire’s mouth before she could stop them.Her hands clenched into fists.“You’re a changeling.How could you know anything about love or family?You’ve never even had one.”

Nomura’s eyes widened.She lengthened her step.Claire couldn’t keep up with her and soon fell behind.

Near dawn, Claire approached Nomura’s campsite.Unlike the trolls, who dug burrows in the soft soil of the forest floor, Nomura had opted to create a shelter by hollowing out an ancient tree stump.As she closed in on it, Claire could have sworn she felt a magical presence, but she quickly dismissed it as a figment of her imagination.She didn’t want to think it was anything else.

“I’m sorry.”She addressed Nomura.“About earlier.That was a horrible thing for me to say.”

Nomura didn’t respond, so Claire, with a sigh, turned to go.

“I can understand the appeal of love.”Nomura didn’t move from her position inside the massive stump.Her green eyes glowed, but they remained gazing at the ground.“It intoxicates you.Makes you feel as though anything is possible.”She pulled her khopesh out of the dirt and studied her reflection in it.“Until it burns out and all you have are ashes, fleeting memories, and the knowledge you could have had more if you chose differently.”

“I’m sorry.I’m sure Draal—”

“Draal died an honorable death in combat.A fitting end for him.”Nomura finally looked up at Claire.“I mourn him, but what we had ended years ago.It serves no purpose to wonder on the potentials of the impossible.My earlier point, young sorceress, is to be wary.Consider your decisions so that you may end up better than I have.”

“You’re not so bad, Nomura.”Claire sat down across from the changeling.“You…you can find love again.Or something else.”She looked down at her hands.“I don’t really know what I’m doing and yeah things can really freak me out.Sometimes I wish they were different, but I don’t give up.I’ve never given up on myself.Not even when it feels like the pressure is on to be the perfect daughter.”That was one thing she’d never miss honestly.“Or when…” she decided Nomura could fill in the blank there with “Morgana” herself.“And I’m not about to give up on Jim either.Or us.Yeah, we don’t know each other’s interests too well” _and he often gets called to do Trollhunter things by Blinky now so we don’t have much time but whatever_ “If we can do everything we’ve done together, fight the battles we have, then yeah I think we can figure the small stuff out.”Claire paused.Twisted her fingers together.“I’ll admit it.I’m scared.I miss my friends.I miss my parents.Enrique.Also NotEnrique.But I’m not going back.It was my choice to come.My decision, my life.No one can take that from me.”

“Good.”Nomura smirked.“I’d prefer it if you weren’t a pushover.”

“What?”

Nomura pushed herself out of the stump, rose, and loomed above Claire.“You’re smart.Figure it out.”She put a hand on Claire’s shoulder.“Rule 1: Everything Is A Test.”

“Rule 1 of what?”

“The Trollhunter has his surrogate father and the wizard.You, have me.Or are you not interested in learning ancient and potentially deadly magics?”

Claire felt a prickle at the back of her neck.She felt magic, the same magic she’d felt when she’d arrived at the tree stump.Nomura’s magic.

Claire smiled.

_…_

“Jim.Jim, where are we going?”Claire almost opened her eyes, but resisted the urge.When Jim had said he had a surprise for her, she hadn’t known what to expect.Especially because it was a bit earlier in the day (still afternoon) than she’d expect him to be up.The sky overhead was overcast and gray.Not a drop of sunlight in sight.

No rain fell as of yet either, but Claire expected it soon. 

“You’ll see.”Claire could hear the grin in Jim’s voice as he spoke.He removed his hands from over her eyes.“You can open them now.”He waited a mere second for her to react before asking, “So, what do you think?”

Claire gasped.“It’s beautiful.”

Before them was a serene clearing.A waterfall cascaded down a small cliff to their left into a deep-looking lake.The water lapped gently on the soft, sandy shore.Claire could see wildflowers of almost every color all around the border of the lake.A gentle breeze blew past her and hit at the cattails in a quiet rhythm.

“I found this place when we arrived to camp.”Jim explained.“Since everyone else is still asleep, we’ll have it all to ourselves.”He cupped her cheek in his hand.“I know Blinky has kept me really busy with troll things, but I’m really happy you’re here.”

Claire leaned in to his touch.“I am too.”She embraced him.Smirked while he couldn’t see her face.Then Claire pushed Jim into the lake.

Jim surfaced and spurted water out of his mouth.“HEY!”

Claire laughed, leaned down, and splashed him.In retaliation, Jim pulled her into the water with him. 

Thus started an epic, hour-long splash battle that left them both breathless.

Finally, exhausted, they settled against a nearby willow tree.Claire leaned against Jim and felt him rest his chin atop her head.She sighed happily.

Claire pulled out her phone.She hesitated, but then snapped a picture of the lake and started a new message.

 

_4:45 PM_

_To: Darci, Mary_

_Attached: paradise.jpeg_

_Me: guess where i am_

 

_4:46 PM_

_Mary: omg so jealous_

_Mary: where r u_

_Mary: can i come?_

 

Claire held up her phone to snap a second picture, this time of her and Jim, who obligingly waved cheerily at her phone’s camera.

 

_4:50 PM_

_Attached: wer2cute.jpeg_

_Me: sorry closed event ;)_

_Mary: omfg c-bomb_

_Mary: ur bf is so hot_

 

Claire heard Jim clear his throat.She giggled.“Well you are a looker.”She paused.“I’ve always liked guys with long hair.”That made Jim blush.He tried to hide his face in his hands.Claire almost laughed again, but ended up snorting instead, which just made her giggle harder.

 

_4:54 PM_

_Me: he’s reading these over my shoulder mare_

_Me: u made him blush_

_Me: it was so adorable_

 

_4:55 PM_

_Darci: awww u guys r so cute together!!! :)_

 

_5:00 PM_

_Me: i think we are_

_Me: this is Jim now_

_Me: i stole Claire’s phone_

_Me: she’s kind of mad @ me about it_

_Attached: comedownoutofthattreejimsoicankillu.jpeg_

 

Beneath the tree Jim had taken refuge in after swiping Claire’s phone, Claire jumped up trying to reach him.She couldn’t get high enough, so she started to climb the tree.Jim just jumped to a new tree and laughed.

 

_5:05 PM_

_Darci: give claire bear her phone back jimmy jam_

_Darci: also TP says hi_

_Darci: and he agrees with me_

 

Darci added Toby to the group

 

_5:07 PM_

_Toby: yes yes I do_

_Toby: cos im a GOOD boyfriend_

_Toby: unlike some people who will here go unnamed but not unknown_

 

_5:08 PM_

_Me: wow way to call me out tobes_

_Toby: dude just return her phone_

 

_5:10 PM_

_Me: oh he did_

_Me: right before i pushed him out of the tree_

_Me: into the lake_

_Me: this is claire btw_

_Attached: jimgoessplash.jpeg_

_Toby: nice_

 

“That’s what you get for stealing my phone!”Claire stood up on her tree branch and yelled down to Jim, who’d surfaced in the lake.

He gazed up at her.“Come down and join me, _Claire Bear_.I won the first splash fight so I’ll win the next one.”He laughed and jumped backwards deeper into the water.

“Yeah sure you did.Just keep telling yourself that, _Jimmy Jam_.”Claire couldn’t help but grin.She glanced back at her phone and saw a few new messages.

 

_5:14 PM_

_Darci: hey claire sorry we sort of brushed you off earlier.That wasn’t cool.I can tell u all about me & TP’s mission now tho_

_Mary: yeah sorry that def wasn’t cool of us_

_Darci: also we’ll try better to keep u updated too_

_Mary: as long as u keep us updated on u_

 

_5:15 PM_

_Mary: I want all the juicy details!!!!!!_

_Mary: u know what I mean ;)_

 

_5:16 PM_

_Me: its cool guys_

_Me: but maybe later on the updates_

_Me: someone is about to get splashed_

 

_5:17 PM_

_Toby: claire, as a fellow Trollhunter_

_Toby: give jimbo hell 4 me_

_Claire: oh I will ;)_

 

Claire climbed carefully down out of the tree, tucked her phone carefully next to a rock, went to the water’s edge, and initiated a second splash fight.

Later, as she and Jim were returning to camp, she sent out one last text.Claire wasn’t completely sure she wanted to send it, but what was normal for her had dramatically changed over the past week.So maybe a new friendship wouldn’t be so bad to try out.

 

_7:02 PM_

_To: Aja_

_Hey!I’ve been good.Don’t know if you’ve heard but I left Arcadia to study abroad for a while.I won’t be back 2 soon.Yeah NotEnrique really doesn’t like it when u mess with his scruff but if you buy him a cheeseburger he’ll do just about anything for you.And Arcadia is definitely weird, but it’s not like we have aliens from outer space running around in disguise or anything so…_


	4. Hope (Arrrgh!!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, remember that story I started as a response to Season 3 but haven't really worked on since then? Well, IT'S BACK BABY!!!
> 
> Also, I changed the spelling of Arrrgh's name in this chapter because reading capslock was giving me a headache and this shortened version was just way easier to type. I'll use this spelling in future chapters and may go back and change it in previous ones for smoother reading.

“How about this?I miss you and I love you very much?Short and sweet.”Barbara looked at Arrrgh!!!.Her glasses slipped down her nose.She pushed them back up with the hand that wasn’t holding her phone.

Arrrgh!!! considered his words carefully before he spoke.“From me.Not you.”There was a feeling in his head, but he didn’t know the proper words to articulate it.Not to Barbara, at least.To Blinky?Blinky, he could have communicated with.Arrrgh!!! let out a breath.He still had to try, though.With Barbara.“Your phone.”He pointed to the device and hoped Barbara could figure out what he was trying to say.

“Blinky will know that it’s from you.”Barbara answered.

That had been the first text they put together.An explanation that, until they figured out a way for Arrrgh!!! to text, Barbara would relay messages between him and Blinky.They’d already tried a iPad, but found, even though it was large enough for Arrrgh!!!, the fact his stone figures didn’t have a heat signature still made it impossible for him to use.He and Blinky usually did video chats, but considering the New Heartstone Expedition was either constantly on the move or asleep, figuring out the best time for those was tricky at best.

“But we can sign it as yours regardless.”Barbara bit the inside of her cheek.“How exactly do you spell your name?”

Arrrgh!!! sensed frustration in her voice, or at least he thought he did.It was still hard to figure out what she was expressing.“Not mad.”He tried to explain.He was grateful for Barbara’s help, but, but he didn’t  _want_ her to be part of these conversations.They were between  _him_ and  _Blinky_.He liked Barbara.She was fine.But she didn’t  _belong._

“It’s ok.”Barbara put her hand on his arm.“I get it.This is personal.I’m sure Blinky and Merlin will figure out something soon.Then we won’t have to do this.”

“Thank you.”Arrrgh!!! sighed.

They eventually got a text sent out to Blinky.Then spent a period of time waiting for a reply that didn’t come.At least not before Toby interrupted them.

“Hey, so sun’s gone down…”Toby’s eyes went from Arrrgh!!! to Barbara to the phone held in a place of honor between them.In the briefest of moments, he seemed to figure out what was going on.“Hear anything?”He asked.

“Not yet,” Barbara replied.

“Sun down.We go.”Arrrgh!!! interrupted.He pushed himself up.Blinky was probably busy with important leader business.It would only serve to agitate Arrrgh!!!’s nerves more if he remained sitting around doing nothing but wait for him.If the sun was down, too, that meant they could finally make it to Trollmarket.

Or what remained of Trollmarket.

It was a grim reminder Arrrgh!!! had given himself repeatedly.Trollmarket would not be the same as it was.It was not  _home_ anymore.A part of him was relieved it had not caved in on itself like the Darklands, but another part of him wished it  _had_.At least that way he wouldn’t have to see what war had turned it into.

Arrrgh!!! was more than familiar with what war— _violence_ —did to a place.The locations ravaged during his time as Gunmar’s general haunted his nightmares from time to time.But none of them made his heart ache like thinking of Trollmarket now did.But then.None of them had been his home— _sanctuary_ —either. 

He remained quiet as the group—himself, Toby, Barbara, and Darci—walked.A part of him wanted this trip to be just him and Toby, but he also agreed with Barbara’s assessment that there was more strength in numbers.The death of Gunmar had destroyed the Gumm-Gumm soldiers, but they still didn’t know what waited in Trollmarket below.It would be best to have a couple more people in their group, especially one with medical expertise. 

The canals weren’t that far away, so the walk wasn’t the longest, but it felt like it.With the streets still torn up from the battle, Barbara didn’t feel comfortable driving them.Also, Arrrgh!!! couldn’t fit in her car either.Arguably, he could have walked beside it.Arrrgh!!! knew himself perfectly capable of keeping pace with human vehicles, but Barbara had vetoed the idea when they were still in the planning stage of their expedition.It made Arrrgh!!! quietly happy that they wouldn’t allow him to be separated from the group.

Though walking the silent streets of Arcadia reminded Arrrgh!!! of times before.When it was just him and Blinky.Sneaking around the human settlement to first find, and then train their new Trollhunter.The adventures they’d had during the training.Chasing down gnomes in trucks.Fireworks.

Arrrgh!!! sighed.He turned his attention to the conversation between Darci and Toby.Apparently, they had gotten through to Claire and Jim on their phones and the four of them were talking.That made him think of Blinky and hurt, so he turned his attention elsewhere again.This time, to the night.The moon high above, and the stars.The sounds of crickets chirping all around.

Nice things.

They reached the canals.Their flashlights cast yellow light down the cement slope to the piles and piles of rubble and the gaping hole Morgana’s magic had left in its wake.

Something in Arrrgh!!!’s gut twisted up at the sight of it all.He noted that no one spoke as they made their approach.He watched as Toby ran over to the wall of the canal under the bridge with a dull horngazel and watched as it failed to create a portal.Without the Heartstone, there was no magic.

“We go down,” Arrrgh!!! told Toby in a half-apology.He gestured to the hole.Now, the only way to enter Trollmarket.“I climb.You, warhammer.”

Toby nodded and took his warhammer out of his backpack.In a burst of orange flame, the weapon activated.Toby wrapped an arm around Darci.“Ready, my dear?”He asked her with a lopsided smile.

Darci giggled.“Yes.”

“Uh, I’ll come back up for you, Dr. L.”Toby seemed to remember there was another human who couldn’t get down on her own.

“I carry.”Arrrgh!!! interrupted.

Toby taking two trips to lower the group would mean waiting, which would mean stopping.Time for his thoughts to get the better of him.Also, then the group would be split up.Barbara would be left alone.Defenseless.She  _said_ she could defend herself.That was all well and good, but she was no troll.She couldn’t fight like them.Arrrgh!!! hadn’t seen any danger left in Arcadia during his nightly walks, but that didn’t mean none lurked in the shadows.Attacking  _him_ , a massive troll with a reputation as a ex-general was one thing.Attacking a solitary  _human_  woman was something else entirely.One was a risk an enemy would probably choose not to take.The other was.

Arrrgh!!! knelt down so Barbara could (very awkwardly) climb on his back.

“Would it hurt you if I held on to your horns?”She asked him.

Arrrgh!!! could feel her tenseness.She felt weird about this, that was obvious.He needed words to make her relax.Feel secure.He didn’t have them.He searched his brain anyway.

“Hold tight.Won’t fall.”Arrrgh!!! said.“Need to.It’s okay.No hurt me.”

Barbara settled a bit more.He felt her hands wrap around his horns.

“Tighter.”He told her.“I don’t want you to fall off.”The words finally came.

“Oh, okay.”Barbara listened and adjusted her position.

Arrrgh!!! let out a relieved breath when he felt her relax.He trusted his ability to climb, and his ability to catch himself in case of a fall, but his anxiety was that  _Barbara_  would fall.The idea of anything bad happening to her made him hurt, not just because she was the Trollhunter’s mother and his ally, but because he considered her a friend as well.

It was a relief when he finally touched down on the cavern ground where Toby and Darci waited.For a moment.

Then, Arrrgh!!! saw.

Trollmarket was intact, but it wasn’t alive.Some stones still glowed, but dully.Arrrgh!!! watched as one flickered and then stopped altogether.Debris and dust from the fight was everywhere.Remains of dead trolls.Some Gumm-Gumm.The others, Arrrgh!!! tried not to look at lest he recognize them.

The silence was deafening.Trollmarket, as Arrrgh!!! remembered it, was never silent.Without a sun or moon to set the times, it never completely slept all at once.Some trolls preferred being up during sunlight hours, others during moonlight.It meant the vast cavern was always humming with at least a little noise, as whoever happened to be awake bartered and whoever happened to be asleep snored.

The thrum, the ever-present  _warmth_ , of the Heartstone was absent.Arrrgh!!!’s heart reached out for it longingly, but was met with nothing in return.He knew the Heartstone was dead, but  _feeling_ it.

Arrrgh!!! choked back a sob.

“Hey, wingman, you okay?”Toby was there.Concern in his voice and a reassuring hand pressed against Arrrgh!!!’s arm.“We can stop for a minute.Take as much time as you need.”

Arrrgh!!! didn’t say anything in response.He had no ability to come up with words just then.He just nodded before sitting.Toby sat next to him.Darci and Barbara, a little distance away, to give him space.

“Should go.Find stones for Jim.”Arrrgh!!! said after a while.Focusing on the mission was easier than wallowing in how everything just  _ached_.His home was gone, but their future wasn’t.He had think about that.It was easier.

“You sure?”Toby asked.“We don’t mind waiting.”

“Arrrgh!!! sure.”He stood.“Vendel kept stones in chest in Heartstone chamber.We go there.”He took a step.“We help Jim.”

“Alright, but if you need to stop or anything again, just say the word, big guy.”

As they progressed through Trollmarket, Arrrgh!!! kept his focus on scouting their surroundings.He was the group’s first line of defense.He had to keep them safe.It was both a duty and a reassurance.Something he grounded himself in.

When they reached the remains of the Heartstone, Arrrgh!!! found himself unable to push himself any further.He told the group he’d stand guard outside while they searched.

After an amount of time Arrrgh!!! hadn’t kept track of, Toby came for him.“Hey Arrrgh!!!, there’s something you gotta see.”Toby spoke with hope in his voice, so Arrrgh!!! followed him into the remains of the Heartstone.

Barbara and Darci were hunched down looking at something Arrrgh!!! couldn’t see at first.It wasn’t the chest of power stones for the Amulet of Daylight.That had been found and carefully placed aside.

When Arrrgh!!! approached the two, they stepped aside so he could see.

Heartstone. _Living_ Heartstone.Barely the size of half one of his fingernails and wedged between two stones of the floor.

While it thrived, the Heartstone would occasionally shed off small crystals like seeds that would grow strong on their own before rejoining the main cluster.It was how it grew.Vendel, in his time, had maintained a careful watch over these crystals.Tending to them so that they may help the Heartstone continue to be strong.His very walking staff had once started out as one.But, without him, this crystal went neglected and unnoticed.Disconnected from the main cluster, it had not been drained by Gunmar.

“It lives,” Arrrgh!!! whispered.

“Pretty cool, right?”Toby couldn’t hide his excitement.“We can regrow the Heartstone!Save Trollmarket!”

Arrrgh clenched his hand into a fist.He crushed the stones around the Heartstone crystal and scooped their remains away.Then, he dug in the ground until he felt the bottom of the crystal.“Not safe,” he explained.“Needs care.Take back with us.Watch over it.That way crystal grows big and strong.”

Tenderly, they swaddled the Heartstone crystal in Darci’s jacket like a newborn infant and carefully placed it in Toby’s backpack.The chest of crystals for the amulet went in Darci’s backpack.

The walk back through Trollmarket was easier for Arrrgh!!!.The pain wasn’t completely gone, but he felt lighter.Trollmarket as he knew it was gone and never coming back.But there was hope.A tiny, beating glow of hope.Sure, the Heartstone crystal was currently nowhere near ready to support the entirety of Trollmarket’s former population, but it could grow.They could help it grow.

One day, Arrrgh!!! promised his former home right before he started the long climb back up to the surface.One day, when the Heartstone crystal was strong enough, he’d be back.

Trollmarket would live again.

* * *

That evening, a group gathered in the basement of the Lake house.All the remaining trolls in Arcadia—Arrrgh!!!, Bagdwella, Dictatious, and a handful of others who hadn’t wanted to leave the city behind—were there.Toby, Darci, and Barbara, and Toby’s Nana were the only humans.

Barbara’s paintings were carefully moved to one side so the center of the floor was left wide open (they did, however, make sure she’d still have room for her painting).Then, together the group dug a shallow hole and filled it with the dust remains of loved ones felled in the battle.

A Heartstone shared a symbiotic relationship with trolls.It provided them with warmth and sustenance and, in return, when a troll died, their essence returned to the Heartstone to strengthen it.Thus, when planting a baby Heartstone, troll remains would give it a much needed nourishment boost.

Arrrgh!!!, watched by all, finally placed the Heartstone crystal in the place they’d made for it and packed the dust in around it.In return, the crystal glowed brightly, shining comforting light on the group.It would be a long time before it would be as large as its predecessor, but they would watch over it and keep it safe as it grew up.

After the planting was complete and everyone began dispersing back to their dwellings for the night, Dictatious approached Arrrgh!!!.

“I know you do not like me,” Dictatious began.“But I have heard of your struggles to use human communications devices.I share the very same issue with you.Something I have found to be useful is what young Tobias calls an “app” that records one’s speech and transfers it into written form for a message.Here, I can show you.”

Later, when he’d settled in for the night in his new makeshift bed in the basement (so he could keep a close eye on the baby Heartstone) Arrrgh!!! used the dictation app to send his first solo message to Blinky.

 

_12:47 AM_

_To: Blinky_

_Attached: babyheartstone.jpeg_

_We went to Trollmarket.Found Amulet stones.And_

_Hope._


	5. Learning How To Lead (Blinky)

“And you’re certain you’ve been giving it the right amount of supplements?Even the slightest imbalance could—”

“Yes, brother.Don’t be absurd.”Dictatious scowled at Blinky from the other side of the VideoChat.“If you won’t take my word for it, at least take _theirs_.”He waved a hand at his companions; Arrrgh!!!, Toby, and Barbara.

“He’s telling the truth, Blinky.”Barbara spoke up.She pushed Dictatious aside, so she had more space in front of the computer’s camera.“We’ve followed your instructions as carefully as possible, as well as everything we’ve managed to get from the books we found in your library.You’ve said it yourself before.This is completely new territory.There’s going to be developments we don’t fully understand.All the data we’ve collected from the baby Heartstone itself shows its growing along the projected path we’ve hypothesized for it.So nothing bad.”She hesitated.“It’s just green now.”

_That’s what I’m worried about,_ Blinky thought but didn’t say.When Arrrgh!!! had first disclosed the discovery of a new Heartstone crystal, he’d been thrilled.Like all the trolls, he’d begrudgingly accepted the fall of Trollmarket was a nonnegotiable reality.The possibility for Trollmarket to live again was quite wondrous.Blinky couldn’t help but smile at the very thought.

But there were _complications_.Growing Heartstone was a complex, mysterious art.One kept secret by the Elders since the very founding of Trollmarket.Only Vendel ever really could have been considered an expert in it.He’d begun to teach Blinky, but not _enough_ before his untimely end.Certainly not enough that Blinky felt confident in how to handle each new development.

First it was humans being able to sense the baby Heartstone’s warmth and presence.Now, it was the crystal’s sudden change in hue from brilliant red-orange to a deep forest green.

Blinky thought he was doing his best handling each new situation, but he constantly wondered if that was _good enough._ What if he was only making matters worse?The fragile future of Trollmarket itself depended on this!One mistake and…

“—I asked Mr. Jones, that’s our science teacher at school, if he could send stone samples to a geologist friend of his,” Toby was saying.

Blinky snapped back to attention.“More humans?I thought we agreed to keep these matters secret, Master Tobias.”He was a great believer in sharing knowledge, but this?Blinky’s mind spun at possible scenarios.His imagination took up the idea of the humans’ government showing up to “study” the baby Heartstone.They’d surely want to take it away to a facility and then, and then they’d never see it again and the future of Trollmarket would be no more.

“Blinky, were you listening?”Toby sounded annoyed.

Blinky cringed.No, no he had not been listening.“I apologize.Do repeat that.”

“I _said_ I didn’t tell him _where_ exactly I got the samples.Just that they were from two locations near my house and I’m curious what the differences are in their composition.See, different environmental conditions can lead to the creation of different types of stones or crystals, so I’m thinking the Heartstone’s color change may just be due to the fact it’s living under the Lakes’ house and not down in Trollmarket anymore.”Toby gave Blinky a pointed look.“You would know that if you’d been listening and not coming up with another conspiracy theory.”

“I apologize again, Toby.I fear I let my concerns get the better of me for a moment there.”Blinky sighed.“I will do better in the future.”

“Blinky okay?”Arrrgh!!! rumbled.The others shuffled around so he could be front and center in front of the camera.

“Yes.We have made excellent progress on our journey, but it is not an easy one.We trolls are, by nature, an ornery bunch, as you know.”Blinky admitted.“And I don’t exactly inspire many to follow my lead.”He glanced at his staff, which he’d propped up in the corner of the motel room (which was technically Claire and Jim’s for the day, but it was the only place they currently could connect to WiFi).The staff was meant to represent his position as Elder, but he couldn’t help but note how it lacked the same awe-inspiring presence of Vendel’s Heartstone one.

“Blinky wise.Trolls will learn to follow,” Arrrgh!!! told him with confidence.“Have patience.Takes time.”

Blinky smiled.“Thank you for those kind words.”His ears pricked up.Footsteps were approaching the motel room door.“I must go now.”He closed the VideoChat window quickly.

“Hey.”Jim entered the room.“Are you talking to—oh.”He wilted at the sight of the laptop’s background without the VideoChat window.

“I apologize.I can call back.They’ll likely still be there and you can—”

“No, it’s fine.”Jim cut him off with a sigh.“Just remember to come get me before the ending the call next time, alright?”He threw himself down on one of the beds.“They’re my family too.”

“I know.I shall.”Blinky moved to sit on the other bed.Guilt twisted inside him.He hadn’t told Jim, or any of the others about the Heartstone development back in Arcadia yet.He knew he should, but…

No one really wanted to have to trek the long way to New Jersey.If they found out there was a new Heartstone, they’d likely want to turn back.Too many trolls surrounding it would likely overwhelm the baby Heartstone, which could lead to catastrophe.And that was _before_ one factored in Merlin.It was a proven fact that he would manipulate things to gain magic.A Heartstone as young and fragile as the one now in Arcadia would be extremely impressionable.Extremely easy for a certain wizard to sweep in, take control, and twist its power for his own (nefarious) purposes.

Blinky trusted _Jim_ to not tell Merlin about the baby Heartstone if he asked that of him.He just didn’t trust _Merlin_ to not manipulate Jim into disclosing the information regardless.

“Blinky, can I talk to you about something for a sec?”Jim spoke, jerking Blinky out of his head.

“You know I am always here to lend an ear, Jim.”Blinky crossed a set of hands over one knee.He buried his guilt down.Best not to let it weigh on his mind for too long.“Tell me, what’s troubling you.”

“It’s Claire.I’m worried about her.She’s been doing this magic lessons with Nomura.It’s fine.That’s fine.I’m totally supportive of Claire learning things, but I’m also worried.You know?Like what if she gets hurt?”

“I…” Blinky was at a loss for words.He shared in Jim’s fears, so he couldn’t just offer the reassurance that everything would be fine.He also didn’t want to express a lack of confidence in Claire.She was a smart, talented girl.He was sure she was being careful, but there was no such thing as too careful and…he’d gotten lost in his mind again, hadn’t he?Blinky stopped himself from grumbling under his breath.Jim certainly didn’t need that.“I am sure Claire and Nomura are taking appropriate safety steps.”Claire?Yes.Nomura?Honestly, Blinky doubted it, but disclosing _that_ would not help right now.“But I will have a discussion with them later about the matter anyway.”

“Thanks, Blink.”Jim grinned at him.“Also, would you mind leaving?I kind of wanted to take a nap while there’s still time before sunset.”

“Of course.Will Claire be—?”

“No.She’s, um, she’s pretty mad at me.”Jim scratched the back of head head.He didn’t make eye contact.“We _may_ have argued about the magic safety thing and I _may_ have implied she can’t take care of herself.It was an accident!I didn’t mean that she _can’t_.I just…” He sighed.“Yeah, I just want some time alone if that’s okay?”

“Certainly.I will be on my way.”Blinky collected his glamour mask, trench coat, hat, and rainbow umbrella.The glamour mask, in theory, was enough to guard him from the sun, but he felt more secure with the extra precautions.Also, in human culture, the rainbow was an indication of one’s affiliation with gayness, so when he’d first seen the umbrella, Blinky had absolutely loved it.

He made his way out of the roadside motel and trekked back to the camp in the caves at the base of one of the Rocky Mountains.Before entering the first cave, Blinky took a moment to collect himself.Things were always in worse shape when he returned than when he left.Arguments usually broke out in his absence and seldom _didn’t_ escalate into full-out brawls.Despite their lack of confidence in him, the trolls still looked to him to be the one to step in and fix things.Namely, because no one else wanted that job.

Once he was ready (or as ready as he’d ever be) Blinky entered the cave.

The front cave was peaceful, but the trolls rarely left the deeper ones before sunset was confirmed, so that didn’t say much.Blinky continued on his way.

A whelp, one Blinky recognized as “Spar”, rushed up to him and, in a single breath, asked, “Are you going to tell us stories again when we stop traveling tomorrow night?”

“Of course.I would be happy—”

“Ok, thanks!”Spar rushed off before Blinky could finish his thought.

Blinky bit back a sigh.He’d originally gotten the idea to tell the whelps stories a couple days back.Most had ignored him and played when he then tried.Spar, in particular, had mimicked his movements in what Blinky had interpreted as a mocking fashion.It had not been a heartening experience.He’d quietly hoped the whelps would change after realizing how fascinating his stories were, but he’d since given up that pipe dream.

“Blinkous!Blinkous!”Another troll rushing up to Blinky stopped him from ruminating further on the matter.“Blinkous, I need you to tell this lazy lump,” the statement was accompanied by a gesture at the troll beside the first one, “that he cannot just take my rocks whenever he feels like it.They are _my_ rocks!”

It was a long forty minutes of negotiating who got which rocks that left Blinky thoroughly drained.A part of him ached for rest by that point, but then no less than four other trolls came to him with conflicts to solve.

And that was before he got to the main cave where the trolls had camped and found the waiting disaster.

“You are dabbling in arts you can’t possibly hope to understand!”Merlin’s voice echoed through the cave’s chambers.“I expect no less from an _changeling,_ but, from _you_ , fair Claire?I—”

“If you actually _listened_ to Nomura, you’d know she knows what she’s talking about!”Claire’s voice boomed back.“You’re not the only one who knows a thing or two about magic, old man.”

“Quite the contrary.I have absolute confidence I am the _only_ one here with the knowledge to properly discuss magic.”

Merlin was the first person Blinky saw upon entering the cave.He stood in the center of the massive chamber, with Claire and Nomura.All the trolls gave them plenty of room, but remained to watch the argument.

“Sure.”Nomura was the first to respond to Merlin’s words.“That’s why Morgana defeated you so thoroughly, isn’t it?”

“Why you—”

Magic crackled in the air.

“STOP!”Blinky yelled.Panicked, he rushed forward, past trembling older trolls and parents hugging whelps close.“There will be no violence here!”

Merlin paused in his spellcasting.“Oh, goodie.The six-eyed annoyance has arrived.”

Blinky ignored the jab.He stormed up to the wizard and whacked him on the head hard with his staff (like he’d seen Vendel do agitated trolls more times than he could count).“You will _not_ endanger all the lives here with a petty squabble or, so help me, I will ensure you’re suffering for at least the next century!”

Though he muttered something under his breath that Blinky couldn’t quite catch, Merlin didn’t summon his magic again.

“Good.”Blinky harrumphed.He crossed both sets of arms to hide his shaking.“Now, who wants to explain to me the meaning of all this?”He commanded in a voice more confident than he felt.

Claire answered, “Nomura was teaching me how to do some simple tracking and beacon spells, cause those would be super useful to know if anyone ever gets lost from the group or something. _Merlin_ didn’t like that.He thinks just because he’s an ancient wizard, he gets to be the only one who can use magic.”

“I see.I would concur.Such spells could come in handy.If done _properly_.”Blinky turned to Nomura.“Might I inquire how dangerous these spells are?Do they pose a threat to the group?”

“No.”Nomura’s expression gave away that she was trying to figure out what he was thinking.“They aren’t powerful enough to affect so many, especially the low level I was teaching her at.”

Blinky nodded.“Very good.But I will request we discuss the matter of safety during your lessons in greater detail later.”

Nomura gave a noncommittal shrug.“Fine.”

“That’s _all_?Order they cease their nonsense immediately!”Merlin advanced on Blinky, rage written across his face.“They are not fit to understand such power!Only I—”

“I do not take orders from you,” Blinky responded coldly.A part of him was utterly terrified of the wizard in that moment, but a greater part of him feared for the safety of his trolls.It was not Nomura nor Claire who’d almost used powerful battle magic in a cave full of innocent bystanders after all.If only for the sake of those under his care (however much they may regularly frustrate him), Blinky would make it explicitly clear to Merlin that there were some boundaries he was not to ever cross.

Merlin let out a long breath.His lips twisted into an ugly snarl.It looked like he was going to argue further, but he turned on his heel and stormed away.

Blinky let out a relieved breath.Great gronka morka, he was glad that was over.He turned to Nomura.“Now would be a good time for our discussion, if you’d come with me back to the motel?”

“I’m coming too,” Claire said.“Jim and I sort of had a fight earlier and I kinda want to talk things out with him.”

* * *

Back at the motel room, Jim greeted them.“Blinky, why haven’t you told us there’s a new Heartstone in Arcadia?”He glowered.Considering his new trollish features, he managed to pull off a threatening look.

“There’s a new Heartstone?”Claire asked before Blinky could say anything.

“Yeah, Tobes and the others found it when they went into Trollmarket,” Jim turned and told her matter-of-factly.“They also said _Blinky_ asked them not to tell anyone, which is why they haven’t told _us_.”He shot a pointed look at Blinky.“The only reason _I_ know is because Dictatious interrupted my video call with Tobes to ask him something and blurted it out.”

Claire turned to face Blinky as well.“Oh.So, are you going to explain?”

“I, um, well, you see, I thought…”Blinky twisted his hands together.This is certainly not how he wanted this reveal to go.“I, that is to say…”He heaved a sigh and sat down on one of the beds.“Yes, our friends back in Arcadia found a living Heartstone _crystal_.But it is not nearly large enough to act as our previous one did.It—”

“You kept it _secret_ from us,” Jim interrupted.“You told our _friends_ to keep it secret from us.Why?”Then in a hurt tone.“Why, Blinky?We trusted you. _I_ trusted you.”

“I, I am sorry.”Blinky let out a long breath.“I was fearful.Fearful that Merlin would find out and, I’m not certain exactly what I expect he’d do, but I do not trust him.”He looked at his hands.“This new Heartstone is Trollmarket’s only hope of rebirth.If anything were to happen to it, that would be the end.We were lucky enough to get one miracle.A second is beyond impossibility.”He squeezed his eyes shut.Opened them.“I fear I am not meant to be a leader.In his time as Elder, Vendel kept many secrets.I thought it would be best to emulate him in that regard.I thought it was the right decision.I see now that perhaps it wasn’t.I never intended to hurt you by requesting the others keep a secret this big from you, but I recognize I have.I fear that I will only make more mistakes.”He let out a dejected breath.

“Are you kidding?”Jim sat down beside him.“Okay, yeah, you made one bad decision, and it did hurt _a lot_ when I found out about it, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be Elder.”He paused.“You maybe just shouldn’t do it like Vendel did.Cause you’re not him.You’re Blinky.You’re my—look, I don’t know.You’re the one usually giving advice.”Jim gave up with a huff.“Just, don’t ask our friends and family to lie to us ever again, alright?”

Blinky offered him a shaky smile.“Agreed.It was not a decision that felt good in any way, shape, or form.”He stopped to collect his thoughts.“I am quite glad, to be honest, that it is behind us.I will never do such a thing again.”

“Good.”Claire sat down on his other side.“And also you’re selling yourself way short, Blinky.You just talked down Merlin, the centuries-old, _legendary_ wizard.Not just anyone can do that.”

“Wait, he did _what_?”Jim asked.

“Yeah, Merlin was totally ticked off that Nomura can do magic too so he was going to…”

Blinky turned his attention elsewhere as Claire explained, and then as her and Jim’s conversation moved into the more personal matter of their earlier argument.Mostly because she was leaning on the wall opposite him, his eyes landed on Nomura.

“What?”Nomura met his gaze.“This is cute and all, but don’t hold your breath waiting for me to add some inspirational nonsense.”

“I don’t intend to,” Blinky replied.

“Good.Cause I know better than you, it seems, that there is a time to keep secrets and a time to not.”She tilted her head slightly to the side in a way Blinky interpreted as curious.“And basing decisions off fear of a wizard is not a sound practice in the long run.”She paused.“Also, and it’s nothing personal, but I like you better than that old fleshbag, so if it does come to a fight, I’ll likely choose your side.”

“…Thank you?”

Nomura shrugged.“So, you want to discuss safety precautions in my magic lessons to Claire or not?”

As night fell (and after a very productive conversation with Nomura), Blinky picked up his staff from where he’d deposited it when he’d entered the motel room.

He wasn’t a fighter, but, Blinky realized, he _could_ be brave when he needed to be.He _could_ step in and defend his people when the situation called for it.He could be fearful, and uncertain, at times, but he could also move past those emotions. 

Maybe, just maybe, he could do this leadership thing after all.

A part of learning how to lead, too, is trusting that you will be followed.He was not Vendel.He was not a master secret keeper.He had to lead as himself.

And he, Blinky, was not someone who kept secrets.

* * *

Blinky climbed up on a massive boulder so he could stand above the trolls.He looked out over them all.Everyone, with the noted exception of Merlin, who still hadn’t come back—and Blinky couldn’t say he didn’t appreciate the wizard’s timely absence—was gathered.He took in a deep breath.This was it.

“‘scuse me, Blinky, sir?”Spar addressed Blinky before he could start his prepared remarks.“Just wanted to tell ya that I’m really looking forward to your stories tomorrow.I rushed off earlier to tell the others cause I was real excited.”The whelp looked down at his feet and rubbed a toe in the dirt.“See, I really like acting them out as you tell them.When I get big I wanna be a stage performer!”Spar ended with a toothy smile.

“Oh.”Blinky couldn’t help but smile himself.“Of course.Well, in that case, I’ll be sure to have a wondrously dramatic tale for you tomorrow.”

“Thanks!”Spar rushed off.

Feeling just a bit more confident, Blinky cleared his throat loud enough so everyone could hear.

“ _Ahem_.Can everyone here me?Good.I have gathered you all here because I have an announcement to make before we set out.”Blinky paused, but no voice spoke out to interrupt him.He folded both sets of hands together and hoped no one could see his slight nervous shake.“Our friends back in Arcadia have made a magnificent discovery.”He paused again.Everyone’s eyes were on him.Waiting and watching.“They have discovered…” Blinky’s voice died as the thudding of his heart grew louder in his ears.He inhaled and tried again.“Our friends back in Arcadia recently went on an expedition into Trollmarket and found a _living_ Heartstone crystal.”Murmurs spread across the crowd.Blinky pressed on.“It is small, no bigger than half a fingernail I’m told, but Arrrgh!!! is leading the effort to nurture it in the hope it will one day have the strength to support Trollmarket.”

The murmurs grew in volume.Blinky closed his eyes.Inhaled.Exhaled.Opened his eyes again.“At it’s current size.”His voice boomed.“The infant Heartstone would be overwhelmed by our sheer numbers.As your Elder, I advise we continue on our journey to New Jersey.To whatever awaits us there.One day, we may return home, but the time for that day has not yet come.”He tried to gauge his audience’s reaction, but it was too dark for him to see many faces beyond Jim, Claire, and Nomura at the front.“The choice is yours to make.I will not force anyone to come who does not wish to.But, I sincerely welcome anyone who joins me in the construction of a new city worthy of being called Trollmarket’s sibling.”Blinky tried to end with his voice on a strong note, but it faltered.Internally, he winced.No one would follow him anywhere now.

Silence fell over the crowd.

Blinky blinked.That was unexpected.He had predicted an uproar.Outrage.Trolls yelling.Lots of trolls yelling.

Someone stepped forward.It took Blinky a second to place who it was.Delius, a one-armed and fairly popular troll.

Delius looked around at everyone, then up at Blinky.“You believe the best choice is continuing on our quest rather than turning back?”

“Yes, yes I do,” Blinky answered.“To return now would strain the infant Heartstone and jeopardize its health.”

“Then I will go with you.”Delius put his arm over his chest in the salute a troll would make to honor their Elder.

A moment of silence followed.Then, other voices chimed in.

“I’m going too.”

“Me as well.”

“If Blinkous believes it’s the right choice, I trust him.”

“He’s not a warrior, but he has a good head on his shoulders.”

Soon, almost every voice present rose in agreement.The trolls would follow Blinky.Together, in unison, they saluted him as their Elder.

Blinky couldn’t help but grin.He’d remember this night for the rest of his life.He could do it.He could really do it.

In the front of the crowd, Jim took out his magic phone and snapped a picture of Blinky, standing proudly on the boulder with his staff, smiling out at his community.Jim quickly typed a message and sent it out.

 

_To: Trollhunters GroupChat_

_Me: Check it out, everyone!Dad’s first big moment as Troll Elder :::D !!!_


	6. A Barb In The Wound (Barbara)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn’t a new chapter, but a redo of Chapter 6.
> 
> The first time I started to write this chapter, the result wound up being too intense (and personal) for me to feel like it was a good fit for Road and subsequently that writing became its own story.
> 
> The second attempt, which I did post a couple weeks back and, up to this morning when I deleted it from ao3 in preparation for this redo was Road’s Chapter 6, was written mostly as a reaction to the first attempt. I wanted to avoid what had led to that version’s intensity, so I went too far in the other direction and removed pretty much any emotional impact it had. This resulted in an okay narrative, but one that didn’t truly match up with the tone of the other chapters of Road and that I ultimately wasn’t satisfied with. My general feeling these past couple weeks toward it has been frustration. It accomplished very little that it was supposed to and pretty much derailed both my enthusiasm and drive to continue the story.
> 
> So today, I decided to try one more attempt to improve upon the chapter and now have narrative I’m happy with and that matches the tone of the other chapters.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. I do really love writing this story, even if it was a struggle for a bit there, and will be continuing to write it.

8:59 AM

_13 New Messages from Walt Strickler_

 

Barbara sighed at her phone before turning it on silent and shoving it in her purse.A moment later, Dr. Meyers walked into the waiting room and gestured for her to come on back.

“So, how are you this week?”Dr. Meyers asked as they settled into their usual seats.

Barbara focused on an abstract painting hanging on the wall behind the other woman’s head.Vibrant strokes of reds, oranges, and yellows streaked into curving shapes that were arguably meant to be calming.Barbara didn’t really like it, but she always found herself staring at the painting when she’s here anyway.

“Barbara.”Dr. Meyers prodded gently.

“I haven’t heard from Jim in about a week,” Barbara blurted.That was a good place to start.Easier than the other things on her mind.She’d told Dr. Meyers her son had recently gone off to college and she was struggling to adjust to life without him.It was true, more or less.Jim had left her.Just not to college.

Barbara had found the few of Arcadia’s citizens (generally the parents of Jim’s classmates), who found out about her son’s real fate (and her own knowledge of trolls) tended to get inquisitive.She could hardly blame them for wanting answers, really.What had happened—the Eternal Night—shocked most of the city.It had shocked _her_ , and she’d had a little more time to adjust to the idea of trolls.

She understood why they came to her.At the same time, she didn’t really want to be the one answering their questions or offering them reassurances.Not anymore.Despite the fact they were usually grateful, it was draining.In the beginning, it had made Barbara happy that she could help everyone transition into accepting their strange, new reality.But then.Then, it just left her feeling _fatigued_.There were so many other ways everyone could find information.They could ask the remaining trolls themselves.Yet, they always seemed to come to her.

She didn’t want to be that person anymore.Not even with someone who’s entire job was meant to help her.Barbara knew lying wasn’t right in therapy, but she didn’t want to risk it.

“Barbara, would you like to talk about Jim?”Dr. Meyers’s question jerked Barbara back to the present.She felt her fingers dig into the sides of the couch cushion she sat on.

“NO!I mean.”Barbara took a breath.Well, that _definitely_ wasn’t a telling answer.“I mean he’s probably fine.It’s natural that kids leave their parents and…go to college.I’m fine.Really.”

Dr. Meyers pursed her lips.“You’re in therapy.Look, Barbara, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I’m here to help.I can’t do that unless you talk to me.”

Dear lord, hadn’t she said similar words to Jim not too long ago?But, it was easier then.Why was it so hard _now_?The words were on the tip of Barbara’s tongue.A part of her wanted desperately to say them. _Needed_ to say them.Yet, she couldn’t.

“I…um…I…” Barbara forced herself to start talking, but her brain balked at the concept a moment later.

How long had it been since she’d actually talked about herself?Years?Not since—Jim’s father hadn’t exactly been a great listener and she couldn’t talk to Jim himself about such things.He needed her to be a _parent_ , to be _responsible,_ to be _strong._ She’d already left too much responsibility on his shoulders.He didn’t need to worry about his mother’s emotional state on top of everything else.

And Walter?Barbara thought of the messages on her phone.That was a complicated situation, to say the least.He was a friend, yes, but he was also horrible with boundaries.She wanted to be open, _vulnerable_ , with him.But she was also worried he’d take that to mean their relationship was at a level she wasn’t ready to go to yet.A level she wasn’t actually certain she did want to be at with him. 

“I don’t know how to do this,” Barbara whispered to the floor.

“What was that?”

“I’m sorry.”Barbara shoved herself off her seat.“I need to go.”She was out the door before Dr. Meyers could stop her.

She didn’t allow herself to think about things again until she was home.Barbara parked in her driveway, gazed up at her empty house, and sighed.A small voice in her mind scolded her.Now, she’d have to deal with Dr. Meyers asking about why she left next week, which wouldn’t be fun in the slightest.A second voice told her therapy wasn’t supposed to be _fun_.It was _therapy_.It was supposed to help her get through things.Things which she couldn’t even talk about though she’d had ample opportunities to say them.No, she’d much prefer to create lies that replaced her problems with normal things like “college.”

Dear lord, why couldn’t it have been college?She could have handled _that_.

Barbara shook her head in an attempt to clear it and went inside.It was her day off, so she didn’t actually have to do anything.She could go back to bed (she could definitely use the extra sleep), but that would mean going upstairs.

She’d kept Jim’s bedroom door closed since he’d left, but the room itself was still there.If she turned the knob and entered it, the mess from _that night_ when—it would still be a messy, utterly empty room.

Barbara took herself and a cup of coffee down to the basement to paint.

She stopped and gazed at the baby Heartstone when she’d made it to the bottom of the stairs.Since they’d brought it here, it had grown considerably in size.She could barely wrap her hands around it anymore, and she had very long fingers.Barbara smiled at it.The magical crystal was almost like a child, and she’d grown fond of it.

Thinking of a smaller crystal, one that related to numerous other children, Barbara quickly frowned again.She didn’t want to think about _that_.It wasn’t that she didn’t want the familiars to have good lives after being denied the opportunity for so long.It was just…She could understand _why_ the littlest (youngest?) changeling, NotEnrique, had handed her the cradlestone when they all left.She was a mother figure.It made sense that he’d see her as someone to take care of those children.But, he’d never _asked_.Not that she really expected him to.She hadn’t expected anything in that moment.She was a bit preoccupied with her emotions over the fact her (troll) son was leaving and she had little in the means of predicting his future or knowing he’d be all right.

She certainly hadn’t wanted new responsibilities to be dumped on her.Not so soon.And definitely not involving children.Yes, she’d be open to raising another kid. _One day_.But not the second right after Jim’s departure.

Her house only had one other bedroom besides her own, and she wasn’t ready to move anything out of it yet.

Barbara stared at the streaks of paint she’d managed to get onto her canvas.They weren’t exactly pleasing to the eye and it wasn’t just because the baby Heartstone cast a dim, green glow upon everything.She’d long adjusted to compensating for that in her artwork.

Before she could consider the paint further, Barbara heard the familiar sound of large footsteps behind her.

“Hmm.Like it.”Arrrgh!!! rumbled.His breath tickled the back of Barbara’s neck.

“That makes one of us.”Barbara turned to face him.“Do you want it?”

Arrrgh!!! grinned toothily at her.

There was something utterly satisfying about seeing work she wasn’t happy with being crunched to pieces in the jaws of a massive troll.

Arrrgh!!! smacked his lips when he was done eating.“Tasty.”Then, his eyes turned down upon Barbara and the way he looked at her, it was like he was seeing inside her.Like he knew, which was impossible and yet…

“Talk?”Arrrgh!!! asked quietly.He settled on the ground by the baby Heartstone.

Barbara opened her mouth to say “no”, but then she realized, _she didn’t have to explain anything_.Not to Arrrgh!!! who knew far more about trolls than her.She silently nodded, put down her paintbrush, and joined him.He didn’t prod her with questions, but waited until she was ready.

“Do you think they’re doing alright?”Barbara finally asked.Originally, she’d just sat near Arrrgh!!!, but he had a tendency to be physically affection with those he was close to.He’d gently pulled her in with one arm and wrapped it comfortably around her.Barbara leaned into his embrace, and rested against his mossy chest.

“Yes,” Arrrgh!!! replied.“Blinky.Jim.Underground.No calls underground.Call us when back on surface.”

“I know.I’m—”

“You worried.”Arrrgh!!! interrupted.“Like Arrrgh!!!That okay.We have each other.”He paused.“They’ll be okay.We’ll be okay.”

“Thank you.Really.”Barbara exhaled the breath she’d been holding in.

“Hmm.”Arrrgh!!! stroked her hair.On the one hand, it made her feel a child who needed comforting.On the other, it felt nice to be cared for and not have to worry about it.

Barbara yawned, but wouldn’t remember falling asleep.

* * *

“Hey, big guy, maybe you could try to wiggle out from under her so you don’t wake her?”The familiar voice of Toby roused Barbara.

“No.”Came Arrrgh!!!’s firm response.“Barbara need sleep.”

“Yeah, but we could really use your help and—”

“Barbara need _sleep_.”

“Perhaps I could create a contraption that would allow her to continue sleeping uninterrupted while you move.”That was a new, feminine voice.One Barbara didn’t recognize.The fact that it was in her house and _near the baby Heartstone_ was worrisome.She opened her eyes.

Barbara was being held protectively in Arrrgh!!!’s grasp.He’d maintained his hold around her and allowed her to use his chest as a pillow.She blushed, and quickly hid her face behind her hair, which had fallen out of its bun into a messy heap while she slept.If it were anyone other than Arrrgh!!!, she’d feel like she’d have to explain that their current situation was an accident.It didn’t really _mean_ anything.Really.But he was Arrrgh!!!.Despite the fact he didn’t say much, he had a tendency to understand completely.He would never read a context of _something more_ into a close interaction like this one.

“She’s awake.”The feminine voice spoke again.Barbara’s eyes found its source.A girl around Jim’s age with long, white-blonde hair.

“Yes.”Barbara adjusted her glasses’ balance on her nose.“And you are?”

“Dr. L, this is Aja.”Toby, who stood nearby, answered for the girl.“Aja, meet Dr. Lake.”

Barbara sat up.“I thought you and Darci were—”

“No!”Toby quickly interrupted.“I mean, yes.I mean, Darci and me are a thing.Aja is a _friend_ , who I’m helping with, um, with a different thing.”

“A thing?”Barbara raised an eyebrow and looked from one teenager to the other.“What thing?”

The girl, Aja, shot Toby what could only be an apprehensive look.

“It’s okay,” he reassured her.“Dr. L is cool.We can tell her.Plus, we are sort of building it in her backyard.”

“Building _what_ in my backyard?”The longer this conversation went on, the more concerned Barbara became.

“Umm…” Toby looked to Aja with what Barbara had learned was his “help me out here, please” expression.

“A spaceship,” Aja stated.“We are building a spaceship prototype.You know what a spaceship is, yes?”

“I do.”Barbara replied slowly.“But why are you building one in my backyard?”

“Because Vex would never let us try to build one at home,” Aja answered like Barbara would completely understand what she meant, which Barbara didn’t.

“Okay.”Barbara stood up.“Again, why a spaceship?”

“To go home.”Aja spoke again like Barbara would understand, which again she didn’t.Why would anyone need a spaceship to get home?Wasn’t that a little drastic?Also, how could a bunch of _teenagers_ build a functional spaceship prototype?

“Showing her may be better, Aja.”Toby cut in.“Trust me, she’s someone we want on our side.”

“Are you sure?”

“Trust Barbara.”Arrrgh!!! finally spoke up.

“Show me what?”Barbara asked, right before there was a flash.

“I’m, um, I’m not from your planet.”The person who stood in Aja’s place spoke hesitantly.She was a cyan-like color, glowed in the dimness of the basement, and had four arms.If it weren’t for the talk of spaceships, Barbara would have assumed she was a new kind of troll.

Barbara blinked.“Ah, okay.This all makes sense now.”

“What?You’re not surprised?”

Barbara shrugged.“Not really.The way you’ve been talking, it had to be something.Trolls already exist, so its not much of a stretch that aliens would too.That’s what you are, right?An alien.”

“Yes.”

“Alright, now I’d like to see this spaceship in my backyard.What safety precautions have you taken?Plans to protect the surrounding area when you takeoff?”Did Barbara feel in control in the slightest?No.But speaking with authority did make her feel a little better. 

In the backyard, they found not only Aja’s brother, Krel, but Jim’s classmates, Eli and Steve, as well.The three boys stared at Barbara.

“What?This is my house.I was going to find out sooner or later.”Barbara told them, again feigning confidence.

Eli shrugged and returned to tinkering with a device of some kind.Krel looked to his sister, who nodded back to him, and then he too returned what he’d previously been doing.

Only Steve protested, “We’re—we’re _cool_ with this?”He gestured wildly at Barbara with a one hand.“She’s—she could _tell_ someone and then we’d all be fucked.”

“Language,” Barbara reprimanded him before she could think to stop herself.“And this isn’t the first supernatural secret I’ve had to keep.”She looked up at ship, and then immediately wondered how safe it was.They were just _children_ and they thought they could fly this thing?

“Fine,” Steve grumbled.“But don’t get in the way, and you’re not coming with us on the test flight either.”

“Oh yes, I am,” Barbara, fueled by her worries, quickly retorted.“I will not sit here while you all put yourselves in danger.”

“But—”

“I may not know a lot about any of this,” Barbara cut him off.“But I do know that something could go wrong.Look, I’m not trying to stop you, but I’m a doctor.If something happens and someone gets hurt, you’re going to want me there.”

“She has a point,” Eli spoke up.

“ _Fine_.”

“Coming too.”Arrrgh!!! came up behind Barbara.“Keep everyone safe.”

No one argued with him.

In the end the prototype spaceship ended up being quite crowded, but everyone still managed to fit.Barbara found herself near the back, squished between Arrrgh!!!, Steve, and Eli.

After pressing a few buttons, Krel turned away from a console to face the group.“All we need is a destination.Preferably one some distance away so we can _really_ fly.”

“Oh!Oh!Oh!”Toby raced from the ship.He returned minutes later with the chest of power-up stones for the Amulet of Daylight.“We can finally take these to Jim!I’ve been tracking the trolls’ progress with my phone.”He pulled the device out of his pocket.“So I have a rough estimate on where they are.”

“That works.”Krel grinned.

Prior to that day, Barbara had only flown a handful of times in her life, but this flight was much different from the average airplane flight.It was far, _far_ more turbulent.More than once Barbara was sure she was going to be sick.Thankfully, she didn’t puke.

However, she was not looking forward to the flight back.After they’d safely landed, she was relieved to step onto grass and dirt and _earth_ again.

“Are you sure this is the right place?”Steve glared at Toby after looking around.“Cause I don’t see them anywhere.”

“They had to go underground for a couple days.They must’ve not come back up to the surface yet.”Toby responded with a frown of his own.“Jim said he’d text me when they do.I can get an exact location then.”

“And do you know when that will be?”

“Well, uh, no.Not exactly, but I’m sure it’ll be soon.”

“Great, that’s just—”

“We’ll have to make do until then.”Barbara interrupted before a fight could break out.She glanced toward the sky.The sun was setting.“Unless anyone is comfortable flying back at night, we’ll need to camp out.”When she got a negative response from the group on the night flight idea, Barbara continued, “Steve, Eli, if you give me your parents numbers, I can call to give them excuses on why you won’t be home tonight.The same goes for Nana, Toby.”Barbara quickly checked her phone and was relieved to see she did indeed have service.She looked at Aja and Krel, “Is there someone…?”

“We’ve already communicated with him,” Krel answered.“So we’re good.But thank you.”

As Barbara made up a story about an impromptu troll education-related camping trip for Nana and the other potentially worried parents, the teens and Arrrgh!!! set up a campfire and found a nearby town that had a convenience store they could gather supplies from.

Later, as the teens talked and ate s’mores (and gave their candy wrappers to Arrrgh!!!), Barbara gazed into the campfire.She didn’t mind being stuck out here, not really.The night was peaceful and warm.The quiet was nice.

There was also, of course, the prospect of getting to see Jim again.

Barbara felt good.Better than she had in a while in fact.Now, with some distance between her and Arcadia, it was easier to think.A lot of things had dramatically changed in her life recently.There were so many things that could happen that she was uncertain about too.While in Arcadia, it all had been suffocating.The pressure to make a choice nearly unbearable.

_Do I want this relationship?Do I want this role?These children?_

So many questions had loomed over her head constantly telling her to decide, decide, decide.

She couldn’t.Not right now.Not when Jim’s transformation and departure were still so fresh.Not when she was adjusting to trolls existing and a heartstone in her basement.She knew she would have to move on to the next chapter of her life sooner or later, but not yet.She needed time to adjust, to heal.

She couldn’t make confident decisions when she was scared of what they could mean.

Barbara took her phone out of her pocket. During the day, Walt had left more messages for her. Instead of pointedly ignoring them as she had been doing, she answered,

_Don’t worry.I’m okay, but I’ve taken some time away from Arcadia.I don’t have answers for you right now, but I will one day._


	7. The Magic of Empathy (Merlin)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin slowly begins to learn how to care about people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure this is going to go down as the hardest chapter of this story to write. Merlin was not an easy character to pin down. In any case, please let me know what you think :)

So much like Nimue.Of course, Merlin knew, this woman wasn’t her.This woman had been born a few centuries too late for that.There were just some unfortunate similarities between the two.The odd red-brown tint of the hair.The startling blue of the eyes.In the time he’d known her, Nimue hadn’t had any descendants, but Merlin did wonder if there were a relative connection between these two women.

There was, after all, all the time _after_ he’d known Nimue.

If he was going to be honest with himself (and he was not), it was the reason Merlin had asked to speak to the Trollhunter’s mother alone (when everyone else was distracted by trivial things like setting up camp and she was without company who could advise her against it).The naked eye did have the ability to pick up on details, but most significant things remained invisible to it.Nothing, though, a little magic couldn’t reveal.

Merlin put two fingers under the Trollhunter’s mother’s chin and tilted her head up.“Have you ever displayed signs of magic?”His examination had so far proved to be without fruits.Whatever magic this woman had, it had settled into dormancy, if it did indeed exist.He’d need a way to bring it back out in order to examine it fully.

“I don’t think so?”She looked away from him.She wrapped her arms around herself, but he pulled one of her hands away to begin studying its lines.“Are you sure about this?”She asked.“I don’t think I have any magic.I would know by now.Right?”

“Perhaps,” Merlin remarked.It was an irritation that she wanted him to reassure her.One he ignored.As long as she allowed him to continue his examination, it wouldn’t be a problem.

The Trollhunter’s mother said something else, but Merlin didn’t really listen to her words.He didn’t need to.His physical examination was done.She was, from the outside, a regular human woman.One without inherent magic of her own.

She was, in effect, of little interest to Merlin.

Yet, his thoughts lingered.Not necessarily on her specifically, but again on a potential connection between her and Nimue.It _was_ of interest to him that someone bearing remarkable similarities to the Lady of the Lake should be mother to his first human champion.

Nimue had, in her time, become an enemy to him.If this was her way of reaching out from beyond the centuries to smite him in some way, well, he’d already seen her ploy coming.He needed now only to confirm his suspicions and stop her before she had the chance to act against him.

“If it’s alright with you.”Merlin didn’t actually care whether it was or not, he’d do his test regardless.“There’s something I’d like to try in order to be completely certain you do not have magic.” 

“Sure?”The Trollhunter’s mother spoke hesitantly.No, she certainly wasn’t Nimue, who always spoke with such confidence.At least not knowingly.“If you think it’ll help us know for sure?”She continued in her frustratingly uncertain tone.

Merlin called upon his magic.He directed it toward the woman in front of him. _Reveal yourself,_ he commanded silently. _Reveal your true nature to me_.At first, nothing of note happened.She remained a regular woman from the 21st century.So, Merlin pressed harder.He knew there was more here.He just knew it.

The scream pierced the evening.It broke Merlin’s concentration.He frowned and prepared to do the reveal a second time, but something slammed into him.

“What did you _DO_?”The troll—the _Trollhunter_ —roared in his face, spittle flying.Merlin felt the half-troll’s claws dig in, but they didn’t breech his armor.“What did _you DO TO HER_?”

Merlin glared coldly at the adolescent.“There is no need for that tone.I was merely examining your mother for potential magic.”

Jim snarled at him.He raised a hand as if to attack Merlin, but a soft, hoarse voice stopped him.The Trollhunter jumped off the wizard.He went over to his mother.Merlin was able to see her lying prone on the ground for the first time.

He was likely mistaken, after all.Nimue would have been able to handle a little magic.

“Mom, mom are you okay?”Jim reached out and helped his mother sit up.

“She’ll be fine.”Merlin examined himself, but he was no worse for wear after the Trollhunter’s attack.He brushed himself off.

“Nobody asked _you_.”Jim snarled.

“I’m okay, I’m…” The woman collapsed against her son.

Merlin attempted another approach, but the Trollhunter’s growl warned him against it.The wizard knew when it was time to retreat.He make his exit.

That evening, whispers filled the camp.They fell hushed whenever he approached a gathering.Merlin could infer they were about him, regardless.It was preposterous. He’d barely done anything.The Trollhunter’s mother would recover.They were being silly.

Still, as a show of good faith on his part, Merlin took it upon himself to build a shelter out of the remaining materials from the contraption the Trollhunter’s mother and her strange companions had used to fly to them in.

“What have you _done_?”One of the teenagers, one of the boys, yelled at him when he presented his handiwork.“That was our way _home!_ ”

“Well, now it’s a shelter from the night.You’ll thank me when you won’t get rained on.”

“ _Thank you_?You DESTROYED our prototype.You—”

“Young Master Krel.”Blinky approached, and Merlin rolled his eyes.Here they go.The six-eyed annoyance would surely start lecturing any second now.“Allow me to handle this.Perhaps you could start repairs on your transport vehicle?”

‘Krel’ grumbled quite a bit, but he did listen.Merlin had to give it Blinky for once.That would have been a frustrating conversation to continue.

“Ah, Merlin,” Blinky addressed him before he could walk off.“I need to talk you.Will you come this way?”

“I’d prefer not to.”

Blinky swung his staff at the wizard and only stopped it centimeters from his face.“That was not a request, wizard.”

Merlin muttered a curse under his breath, but followed Blinky on a short walk to a hill overlooking their encampment.

“Tell me,” Blinky commanded.He waved his staff in Merlin’s face.The wizard brushes it away irritably.“What do you see?”Blinky continued with a question, while gesturing out to the camp.

Merlin glowered at him.“The encampment.What of it?”

“No.”Blinky sighed.“You’re missing the point.Look _closer_.What do you see?”

“I told you already.The _camp_.It is the only thing here to notice.Whatever point you’re trying to make, it is redundant.There is nothing else to see.”Merlin started to walk away.“I will not thank you for wasting both our time.”

“Do you want to know why Krel won’t forgive you?”

Blinky’s words stopped Merlin, though he didn’t realize they did until a moment later.“The young lad?”Merlin queried.“He may feel however he wishes about me.It is of little importance.”

“No.”Blinky approached him.“His name is Krel.Krel Tarron.”He gave Merlin a look that seemed far too wise for Merlin’s liking.Merlin banished the thought as quickly as it came.As if this troll could be wise.Ha!The very thought was preposterous.

“It’s taken me quite some time to figure out your problem.”Blinky planted his staff firmly in the ground.“I feel I should not begrudge you completely for it.After all, you were alive centuries before any of us _and_ you a hand in our history.”Blinky frowned.“Though I must judge you for considering troll history lesser than your own.As both a troll and a historian, I find that quite insulting.Back to the point, you have lost sight of people.”

“You are wrong.I can see everyone perfectly—”

“That’s not what I mean.”Blinky interrupted him.“You look out at us and see nothing but an encampment.Do you know what I see?Over there.”He waved his staff toward a troll family Merlin had ignored.“Young Spar and his parents.Spar is a promising young actor.His parents, Orrax and Nimie, worry about his future but they support his dreams regardless.And there.”Another wave of his staff.“Trixaz lost most her family to Gunmar’s horde, yet she remains one of the kindest trolls I’ve ever met.”

“Yes, I understand that the trolls have names.Again, what is your point?”

“I have lived for centuries as well, Merlin.”Blinky sighed.“Unlike you, however, I never forgot how to look at someone and _see_ them instead of just another living being.You don’t understand why everyone gets upset at you so easily.Perhaps it would be wise of you to make an attempt at actually knowing and understanding them.”

Merlin snorted.“Every decision I’ve made has been for the betterment of us all.Merely because you cannot—”

“Maybe it is my lack of knowledge in your eyes, but I fail to see how hurting Barbara or destroying the Akiridions’ prototype ship was for the betterment of us all.”Blinky spoke in a tone that did not allow Merlin any openings to interject.“You see yourself as a grand leader or some such, I suppose.With more knowledge than the rest of us, which is why you believe you must lead us like lost sheep.I can assure you, we are no such creatures.”Blinky turned to Merlin.All six of his eyes were fixed on the wizard.“One day, at least I hope, you will learn, leading requires those who follow you to be able to trust in you.If they don’t, they never truly will follow.”He swiped at Merlin with his staff.Merlin hastily avoided the blow.“You want that position, you have to earn it,” Blinky went on like he hadn’t done anything. You can start by looking and seeing that _we all exist_.”With that, Blinky walked off.

Merlin grumbled under his breath, but he looked again at the encampment all the same.So, there was a huge number of living beings there and each was different and individual.That was understandable.What of it?

_What of it?_

The question haunted him like a thorn that wouldn’t be pulled out through the rest of the day, and into the next, and then the one after that.

The matter wasn’t Merlin didn’t have the ability to recognize people as such.He understood, after some thought, the point Blinky was attempting to make.Merlin knew how to look at someone and see them fully.

Blinky’s failing was that he didn’t understand himself.People were _difficult_.No matter how well meaning one’s intentions were, their actions could be twisted and warped until they were barely recognizable.

It was simple.Blinky could afford to be a leader who used compassion and empathy.Merlin did not begrudge the troll for his strengths, but he didn’t share them.There was a past version of himself, optimistic and hopeful, who had.Merlin visited the memory of that version of himself sparingly.It would have been best to wipe his mind completely of him, but, no matter how he reconfigured the spell, he could not be sure it would not wipe out the rest of his mind as well if used.Merlin was cursed to bear the burden of remembering his past self.The self who’d made the worst mistakes.The mistakes that no magic could rewrite.

Oh yes, Merlin knew exactly the effect on the world _his_ compassion, _his_ kindness, had.He wasn’t the only one she tried to kill, after all.

It stood to reason.His greatest creation ended up the darkest, most hateful.

Merlin would never admit to it, but it saddened him that the Trollhunter and his companions would never get to meet the Morgana who existed before his touch had twisted her into what she was now. _The Pale Lady_.Ha!The young woman he’d known would have laughed in derision at such a title.

But, like the version of him who showed compassion, she’d been gone for centuries.Replaced with a sorceress with rage in her eyes and a thirst for his death.Merlin couldn’t say he blamed her, honestly.He had stolen her hand, after all.He’d needed a magical core for the amulet and her power had been growing to uncontrollable heights. 

It would be unwise of him to let familiarity enter his interactions with the Trollhunter and his friends and family.Lest history repeat itself.

* * *

“You’re a real buttsnack.You know that, right?”

“Pardon?”Merlin glanced up from poking at his failing campfire.

“You.”The blond lad punctuated every one of his next words with a pause.“Are.A.Buttsnack.”He ran a hand through his hair.“Look, I don’t even really know why I came over here, but Krel’s upset, which means _Eli_ ’s upset, and that makes _me_ upset.”He sat down on the opposite side of Merlin’s campfire from the wizard.Then, he began tending the fire.Unlike Merlin, he knew what he was doing.

Merlin watched the lad work. “Ah, well, that is of little concern to me.”

“Yeah, no.Actually it is.Cause it’s _your_ fault.”After getting the fire going, the lad looked up at Merlin.He crossed his arms.“We haven’t been able to go anywhere, us or the trolls, for three days _because_ of _you_ and what _you_ did.”

Merlin shrugged.“We will travel soon in due time.It is of no concern to me if that happens tomorrow or days from now.”

“Not good enough.”The lad scowled.“I may not know a lot about trolls or magic or secret worlds or alie— _Akiridions_ , but if there is one thing I do know, it’s that you gotta make amends.”

“I believe you are sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.Please, leave.”

“Yeah, yeah.Look, old man, you can throw whatever shitty excuse you have at me or at them.”The lad gestured back to everyone else at the main campfire.“As much as you want.It isn’t going to work.None of my asshole dad’s did.”He sucked in a breath.“And neither did any of mine, and mine were freaking _smart_.Let me tell you something, they may not forgive you for any of the shit you’ve put them through.That’s fair.Cause from what they tell me, you put Jim and his mom, Claire, Blinky, _freaking everyone_ through nastier stuff then I ever did and I was a freaking _bully_.But you’re going to keep doing it unless you learn to stop.”

“You can’t possibly expect—”

“I don’t give a _flip_ , and that’s way worse than saying ‘fuck’ by the way, about anything you could say next.Cause yeah, I’ve been there.Before I was the awesome guy everyone loves, I was the jerk everyone hated.I’d still be That Guy if Eli and Coach hadn’t given me a second chance.”The lad paused.“Look, I don’t really get you, man.You’re like some weird, super-powered, wizard guy.That’s cool.That’s cool.”Both his tone and expression turned severe.“But if you ever hurt Eli again, even by extension, we’re going to have a problem.I don’t care if you turn me into a toad, either.I promise I will make your life a living hell.”

Merlin glowered.“What is your name, young lad?”

“Steve.Steve Palchuk.”

“Very well, Steve Palchuk.Since you don’t seem as though you will leave me alone, where do you suggest I start?”Perhaps going along with the lad for a bit would pacify him and get him to leave Merlin alone.He seemed very determined.Merlin could respect that, even if it was an annoyance.

“Two words.”Steve held up the corresponding number of fingers.“I’m sorry.” 

* * *

Steve elbowed Merlin in the ribs.“And?”

“And I’m sorry for harming you with magic, Barbara.That was wrong of me.I regret my actions.”The third apology (after Blinky, who Merlin insisted didn’t need one but Steve insisted he probably did and, even if not, it would be good practice, and Krel, who’d huffed at Merlin before returning to work on his contraption) was, by far, the easiest.The indignity of it all had passed after the first.Merlin found the words came easier this time.

It helped that, when he looked at Barbara, he saw someone who was physically hurt.She wasn’t injured too badly, just shaken and a little gaunt.From what Merlin recalled of when he first met her, Barbara was always a thin woman.He hadn’t done _that_ much to her.His magic had merely overwhelmed, and then drained, her of all energy.Something that could be recovered from, yes.But, also something that left one feeling ill for a few days.

“I know a few herbal remedies that could ease your discomfort,” Merlin went on, unprompted.“If you’d like I could gather the ingredients within the hour.”It was the least he could do.

“That would be nice, thank you.”Barbara offered him a shaky smile.“And, Merlin?Apology accepted.”

Merlin nodded before leaving the tent to go after the herbs.Doing the apologies made him feel peculiar.Not quite good, but something different.

It was a feeling he was willing to repeat.

Out of the corner of his eye, Merlin saw Jim get up from where he sat and walk over to Claire.

Merlin frowned.Well, eventually.


	8. Paradigm Shift (Strickler)

_No New Messages_

gave Strickler his answer when he checked his phone after parking.He hadn’t necessarily expected anything different.The drive was only fifteen minutes now that the repaving of Arcadia’s roads was almost complete.He’d checked his phone once before leaving and a second time at a red light on the way, so he really shouldn’t be checking it now.

The ridiculousness of his actions wasn’t lost on him.A past version of himself would be horrified to know he was so caught up in what was essentially…well, his past self wouldn’t agree with a lot of his actions these days, so he hardly mattered.

Strickler sighed, stared at his reflection in his phone screen, wondered if _that_ was the reason for the silence from the receiving end of his texts, and felt like banging his head against something, but his horns had the tendency to scratch even the most well-made walls these days so he held in the temptation.

This was absurd.Barbara should have texted him by now.It was over a week since she’d sent her last message; she was taking time away from Arcadia and she didn’t have an answer for him.Not yet.

An answer to _what_?He’d asked himself repeatedly.He hadn’t _asked_ her anything prior to her departure.Everything had been going well.He’d been looking forward to rekindling what they once had.Only this time, she happened to know everything about him, which, if he were going to be honest, was rather relieving.The idea that he could have a relationship like theirs without the deceits was _delightful_.With her accepting all of him, he had less to be concerned about.Less exit strategies to come up with in case she found out one of his secrets, in any case.

He’d sent her numerous messages asking her to explain further, or at least tell him when she was coming back, and gotten nothing back, which only frustrated him further.

The last time they were together, they’d been on friendly terms.He’d made it clear he’d do anything—even sacrifice the world!—for her.What else did she need?What could anyone else offer her that was better?

He’d come to see for himself.Because, that was it, he told himself.She hadn’t _really_ left Arcadia.Some other man had simply swept in during her moment of need, when she was feeling vulnerable after the departure of Jim, and wooed her.It was him who was telling her not to contact Strickler and him who he needed to rescue her from.

Strickler could handle such a foe.In his centuries, he’d taken down much, much worse than a human man who’d treaded where he didn’t belong and wasn’t wanted.

That was better, at least, than the whispers at the back of his mind.The whispers that seemed true—the ones he didn’t want to be true.Barbara _wanted_ him.She did.She’d gone from being angry at his very presence to relieved to see him.Never mind that he’d been the one to stop and explain things to her after Jim’s transformation.That wasn’t the reason for her change in heart.It couldn’t be.She _loved_ him.She did.

She had to.

So he’d come to see her, at her house, to defeat any foes that were keeping them apart and rekindle what they had.He even had a bottle of wine in the trunk in case things led to that.

Strickler got out of his car, locked it, and started his approach.He kept a small speech he’d prepared circling in his mind, so it would be fresh and ready when she opened the door.

“Hey, Mr. S!If you’re looking for Jim or his mom, they’re out of town,” The voice of Mary Wang called to Strickler.He suppressed a groan and turned around.The girl in question, and her two friends, Darci Scott and Shannon Longhannon, were walking toward him from the Domzalski house.

“I am aware,” Strickler replied to the girl.It was only a partial lie.Barbara’s text _had_ said she was taking time away from Arcadia.Whether or not that specific message was truly from _her_ was the matter of debate.He saw no reason why he should disclose that information to some teenage girls, however.“I was merely coming to check if Barbara—Dr. Lake—had left a message for me in her absence.”

“Well, Toby asked Darci.”Mary gestured to the other girl as she spoke.“To check in on his Nana while he’s away.Since he and the Lakes live so close to each other, we’ve also been picking up their mail and there’s been nothing in there for _you_.Trust me, _we_ would know.”

Strickler hid his annoyance behind a pensive face.“Excuse me for my lack of confidence, but, I hardly think if Barbara were to leave something for me, _you_ would be able to recognize it for what it is.”

Mary laughed and rolled her eyes.“Riiiiight.”

“Why don’t you call her, Mr. Strickler?If you’re that worried.”Shannon piped up.“They have phone service where they are.”

“I appreciate your concern, Ms. Longhannon, but I’m afraid Barbara didn’t leave with the others on the expedition.”

“Yeah, but she did join them like a week ago or so.”Darci spoke up.“With Toby and everyone.They all went in one big group.”In a quieter voice, she added, “And didn’t even ask us if we wanted to go.When he gets back, Toby so owes me a space ride.”

An uncomfortable feeling settled in Strickler’s gut at the confirmation that Barbara had left town.“That’s enough,” he stated in a falsely polite tone.“I was not aware that was where she went.”

“Yeeeah.”Mary crossed her arms.“Don’t you think, if Dr. L really wanted you to be able to contact her, she’d _tell_ you that?Seems like pretty crucial information to leave out, if you ask me.”

“No one _has_ asked you, Ms. Wang.”Strickler sidestepped around the girls.“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe we’re done here.”

“All I’m saying is that I know better than anyone when a girl is trying to avoid a guy and it sounds like Dr. L doesn’t want to talk to you.”Mary followed after him.

Strickler raised an eyebrow.“She said she didn’t have answers for me on a specific, _personal_ matter, not that she’s avoiding me.”Hopefully that would satisfy Mary enough to get her to go away.“She is dear to me, I’ll admit.That’s why I’m concerned about her.”

“Huh.”Mary stuck with him.“Are you concerned for her sake or yours, Mr. S?”

“And what, precisely is that supposed to mean?”

“One of my dads had an ex who said he cared about him a lot, but he always ignored my dad’s boundaries.It got to be kind of creepy.”Mary gave him a pointed look.“I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing, but I’m not saying you’re not either.”

“I see.”Strickler’s lips thinned.“But you are just a girl.Barbara is a woman.You can’t possibly know—”

“Yeah, and she was once a _girl_ too.So, you don’t really have a point.”

“Plus, she didn’t tell you anything before going either, it sounds like.”Shannon jumped in.“That’s definitely probably code for ‘she wants space from you’.So, you showing up at her house like this is…not the best?And I don’t even know a lot about this sort of thing.”

“You’re wrong, you do,” Mary corrected her.

“Ah, thank you.”

“It is sweet that you know each other well, but Barbara is a sophisticated, intelligent—”

“You’re not listening, Mr. Strickler.”Darci cut him off.“I can sorta see why she’d want to get away from you.I mean, you’re our teacher—or were, like, did you actually get your old job back?—Anyway, _we_ had to listen to you in school, but I can’t imagine listening to you ignore what I say for like the rest of my life.”

“Ms. Scott, that is hardly—”

“No, she’s right.”Mary cut in.“Like, you got the looks going for you, Mr. S, and the accent certainly helps.I may not be straight, but I can definitely see why the ladies would go for you, but it would be super annoying to listen to you talk over whatever I say all the freaking time.She probably got tired of you not listening.”

“Plus, Toby said Dr. Lake went with them cause she was worried about Jim.”Shannon added.“You don’t seem that bothered.”

“Oh!Oh!He was always the _worst_ about proper school attire too.How much you wanna bet he was super judgmental with her too?”

“That’s ENOUGH!”Strickler reached his car and banged his hand down on its roof.“I will kindly ask you three to stop digging into my personal business.”He unlocked his car, got in, and drove away before they could say another word.

* * *

Despite their opinions not mattering in the slightest, what the girls said bothered Strickler for the rest of the day.They didn’t know _anything_ about his relationship with Barbara.He’d hardly consider them worthy judges of it.Were some of his past deeds done with malicious intent?Sure.But not his ones now.He may not be a paragon of goodness, but he was hardly the villain they’d tried to twist him into.He was sure of that.Really.He was.Really.

He poked his fork into the quesadilla he purchased from the burrito truck.It wasn’t his favorite type of food, but, Stuart, who owned and ran the food truck, was one of the few in town who loudly proclaimed his support for trolls.Whether or not the majority of Arcadia’s citizens would serve someone like him was a question Strickler wondered about on occasion, but hadn’t yet tested out.

“Something got you down there, mate?You’re looking kind of glum.”

Strickler suddenly regretted choosing a spot so close to burrito truck.Sure, the coverings that shielded from the sunlight were strongest closest to the vehicle, but he really didn’t want to be pestered again.

“Nothing that concerns you.”Hopefully his tone of voice would discourage Stuart from further inquiries.

“That doesn’t mean you can’t still talk to me about it.Look, when something’s bothering me, I always talk it out with a friend.”Stuart leaned on the truck pay counter.

Strickler raised an eyebrow.“You and I are not friends.”

“You’re eating my food, aren’t you?”Stuart grinned.“Sorry, buddy, but that means you and I are friends.It’s right there in the contract.”

“I don’t recall signing any contracts to eat lunch.”

Stuart chuckled.“Ah, I’m just messing with you.”His expression turned serious.“But not about the friend part.I never mess around when it comes to friendships.”

“You have no idea who I am or what I’m capable of.You realize declaring yourself ‘my friend’ could proof hazardous to your very life.”Strickler held up his hand and flexed his fingers, showing off his rather long claws.

“Sure.”Stuart shrugged.“But my best friend happens to be a giant, alien monstrosity with enough eyes that I can’t properly count all of them who may have held a grudge against me for abandoning him in a facility that’s probably the closest thing to hell on Earth for thirty years, so that ship already sailed.No offense.”He held out his hands in a placating gesture.“But, I mean, I’m also friends with a guy who talks about glorious combat on the regular.”Stuart’s happy expression went away.“Or he did.”Stuart sighed.“Point is, among my weird friends, you’d probably rank 5th or 6th.I don’t exactly hang with ‘normal’ people.”

“Hmm.”

“Did I forget to mention, half my friends are super strong warriors who could kill me?Cause half my friends are super strong warriors who could kill me.”

“If you’d train, that statement would not be as true as you think it is, Stuart of Durio.”A woman with thick, curly, black hair Strickler didn’t recognize walked up to them.She didn’t order anything, but Stuart clearly knew what she wanted as he already had a plate of tacos ready for her.

“Well, you know me, Zadra.Not exactly warrior-material right here.”

“Anyone who wishes to be able to fight merely has to pick up a weapon and begin.”She sat down across from Strickler.“I see you are one of the trolls.”

“Is that a problem?”

“No.Though, you did steal an adversary from me during the battle under the eclipse.”Zadra took a bite out of her first taco.“Should you be willing, I would like the chance to go up against you in combat.A spar for training purposes, of course.”She expression turned grave.“Unless there’s a reason why you and I should be enemies.”

“Funny, I don’t quite recall seeing you during the Eternal Night.”

Zadra smirked.“No, if you were looking for me _like this_.”She gestured to her appearance.“You would not have found me.”

“Zadra, stop teasing the poor guy.He’s had a rough day.”

“I’ve had plenty of rough days and Vex never went easy on me.”Zadra retorted.“If he is truly a warrior worth his mettle, he’d already know how to deal with it.”

“Yeah, that’s not really the point.”

“No, it’s fine,” Strickler interrupted.“I can assure you, I can deal with anything you could possibly throw my way.”

Zadra grinned.“You don’t back down, do you?”

“Not before my opponent does.I can’t say I ever have,” Strickler responded.

Zadra chuckled.“Vex would have liked this one,” she told Stuart. 

Strickler turned toward her.“Vex?”

“Varvatos Vex was one of the greatest warriors I ever knew.”With a frown, Zadra added, “Once.Before he became a traitor to us all.”

“Zadra,” Stuart started.“Please, the guy is—”

Zadra held up a hand.“Let me finish.I did not forgive Vex for his misdeeds in life.I _do_ now that he is no longer among us.He last act was to sacrifice himself for us.There is honor in that.Honor which I cannot—will not—ignore.”

“But, why give his life?”Strickler tried—and failed—to hide his puzzlement.He had gone to great lengths throughout his centuries to preserve his own life.To just give it up?The very idea!Absurd.And for what?“If he knew you’d never forgive him?”

“Because he knew it was right.”Zadra pursed her lips.“Vex wasn’t a bad person.For most of the time I knew him, I respected him as one of the greatest upholders of justice to ever live.”Her eyes turned downcast.“But, he was not infallible.For all his love and compassion, he could— _was_ —blinded by vengeance.He did something so terrible now the people I love—the people _he_ loved—are in mortal peril, as is our home.”She looked away.“When I found out it was him who betrayed us, _I_ was blinded by my own anger.”Her gaze returned to Strickler.“The person I looked up to, who mentored me, who meant so much to me, responsible for so much destruction?”She turned her gaze to into her drink.“I tried to kill him.I would have, too, if we were not interrupted.”

“I’m not sure I’m comprehending your point.It sounds like you still don’t forgive him.”

“I am angry at what’s happened, but no longer at Vex.There is no purpose.He went into an endeavor he knew would cost him his life.He did so, because he knew it had the slim chance of saving us all.If I remember him, it will be for that and not his less _noble_ actions.”Zadra gazed at Strickler.“Sometimes, the best thing someone can do to earn forgiveness is to let go.To realize there’s no going back.To put those you wronged before your own wishes.In the end, I think, Vex realized that.He didn’t beg for forgiveness, but he did everything he could to right his wrong.That, I believe, was honorable.”

“And he never knew you would forgive him?”

“Yes.But, like I said, it wasn’t about him or his desires.Varvatos Vex, in the end, did what was right, despite it not being right for him specifically.”

* * *

Strickler stared at his phone.It’s lack of messages.A part of him desperately desired it to chirp and for a message from Barbara to appear.She hadn’t said—no, that wasn’t completely true.She _had_ indicated to him that she didn’t want to be in contact.

He just hadn’t liked the idea, or the fact she’d tried to say as much.At all.She needed space?Really?Everything that had happened, all the things she could hold against him, were behind them.They didn’t matter.Not anymore.He’d wanted to believe that so very much. 

To believe; she either loved him or she didn’t.This whole charade she insisted on, since it wasn’t a rejection, meant she _did_ love him.It would be so much better if she just accepted that and returned to him.Then, it could be like things had never truly changed, he thought.

Except, they had.

Strickler stared at his hands.The fault was his for not realizing that.As much as he wanted to reclaim those fleeting, happy moments, that were oh-so-precious to him, they were gone.Truly gone.Pressing Barbara for a relationship would not create them anew.Even if they did rekindle what they had, it would be in an entirely different way than what they had been.And, if he kept pushing her boundaries like this, could he truthfully say he believed the ensuing relationship would be good?If a stolen heart wasn’t truly his, surely one pressured into returning to him would be the same.

If he was going to be honest with himself, her lack of responses spoke volumes.He knew that.Deep down somewhere he did.

He just didn’t want to let go.Because, to let go, would mean acquiescing to someone else’s judgement.To surrendering control.That wasn’t something he, Walter Strickler, ever did.Yet, his only way forward, he realized now, would be to accept that, potentially, there was no going back.

If he truly loved Barbara, he would find it in himself to push his heartache and his desire for her aside.If he truly loved Barbara, he’d genuinely let the choice be hers and let her come back to him on her own.Or not.

After all, if the choice to truly forgive him was hers to make, it was time he gave her space to make it.

Perhaps, he could begin to move on with his own life too.Though he wasn’t quite certain where to begin.Strickler scrolled through his phone contacts absently.He didn’t intend on calling anyone.He just needed something to do.He stopped when he reached the end of the alphabet and saw the new number there.

Or, maybe he _could_ call someone.

“Zadra?It’s Walter Strickler from earlier today at the burrito truck.About that sparring match…”


	9. Belonging (Nomura)

In the beginning, Nomura hadn’t minded traveling with a large group.Most of the trolls steered clear of her.Only Jim and Claire really disturbed her.In the case of the former, he only occasionally checked on her to see how she was doing and made awkward small talk.In the case of the latter, they met regularly for their magic lessons.Neither intrusion to her privacy Nomura particularly minded.Jim and Claire were polite, courteous, and, most importantly, _quiet._

Due to the unfortunate development of significantly more teenagers, Arrrgh!!!, and the Trollhunter’s mother arriving in what was apparently a ‘spaceship’ (if it wasn’t the only reason for their arrival miles away from Arcadia, Nomura wasn’t sure she’d believe that was what the machine was), things had changed.Drastically.

Rather than Claire and Jim having a quiet camp together (usually with Blinky), all the teens stayed together in a larger, _louder_ group.Nomura had found herself spending significant time figuring out the right distance away to avoid listening to their regular antics.On its own, the development was a nuisance, but tolerable.If that was it, Nomura likely wouldn’t have gotten as frustrated.But it wasn’t.

There was also Blinky and Arrrgh!!! to consider.Nomura didn’t begrudge them for the happiness they’d found in each other.She would just prefer not to _hear_ that happiness almost every single day when she was trying to sleep.Between Arrrgh!!!’s size and Blinky’s talkativeness—and Janus did he _talk,_ Nomura wondered if he knew others could hear him because Arrrgh!!! was _right there_ —it was hard to avoid being driven to distraction by them.At least until they’d taken numerous hints and started doing what it was they did a significant distance away from everyone else.

Once the initial issue found resolution, again, Nomura would have been fine.If it wasn’t for the fact both _that_ and the teenagers’ rowdiness were what drove the Trollhunter’s mother to set up her sleeping bag near Nomura.

Nomura didn’t _like_ company while she rested.It made her edgy.Sure, given enough distance between them, it was fine.But ‘enough distance’ meant more than ‘around the same campfire’, which was what her and Barbara’s situation had become.

She could _understand_ why Barbara had chosen her to bed down near.After factoring out the obnoxious gang of teens and recently reunited troll couple, her only real options were the rest of the trolls, Merlin, and Nomura.The trolls would treat the doctor respectfully, given her status as the Trollhunter’s mother, but that still wouldn’t be a functional situation for anyone involved.At the very least, it would give Jim anxiety that his mother would be accidentally crushed.Merlin was…Nomura couldn’t truthfully hold it against Barbara for not wanting to sleep near him.So that just left herself; someone who formerly had access to adult, human womanhood and was the most likely to not disturb Barbara.So, yes, it made sense that Barbara had chosen her.Still didn’t mean Nomura had to like it, though.

At least not until Barbara offered to pay for motel rooms in a town nearby to their camp.Barbara’s intent may have been to give all the teens beds to sleep on while they figured out how to get them home now that Merlin had destroyed their ship, but her kindness meant she also offered Nomura the opportunity to take the second bed in her room.

Nomura may no longer have access to a human form, but that didn’t mean she suddenly stopped liking hot showers.

Barbara was on the phone when Nomura stepped out of the bathroom from her latest one.Nomura rolled her eyes, but made no other response.Best not to make Barbara think she didn’t like her, lest the offers of comfortable beds and wondrous showers stop.

“Yes.”Barbara sighed.“ _Yes_ , Ophelia.I am.”She lay back against her bed’s pillows.“I’ve told you already, I am keeping an eye on them…”She put her hand over her eyes.

Nomura only half-listened.Her interest taken by the sight of takeout containers on the table by their small window.Sure, without a human form to feed, eating human food wasn’t exactly necessary, but her enjoyment of the food’s taste remained.She settled in a chair, picked up a pair of chopsticks, and began to eat.

Barbara hung up her phone and audibly groaned.“Ophelia had no problem allowing Claire to come, but not that I’m here, suddenly she wants regular updates.Every.Single.Day.”The doctor turned her head toward Nomura.“You wouldn’t happen to like eating phones?”

Nomura shrugged. _Talking_ wasn’t something she particularly liked, especially if it led into an entire conversation, but she’d learned, once she’d gotten whatever was bothering her out, Barbara usually quieted down again.Best just to get through it.“Can’t say I’ve ever tried.”

“Can I interest you in this one?”Barbara held up her phone for Nomura to see.“Cause between Ophelia and the fact Walt can’t seem to take a hint and _stop texting me_ _already_ , I’m willing to do literally anything just to get rid of it.”

Nomura smirked.“Stricklander’s been bothering you?”She knew he had his interests in Barbara, but if her feelings weren’t the same…

Well, Nomura wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to mess with the too-smug-for-his-own-good avocado.

“I know he’s probably just concerned, but it’s hard to get away from him and sort things out in my mind when he’s constantly messaging me.”Barbara wrapped her arms around herself.“I wish he’d stop, but I’m scared if I reply to him, it’ll just make things worse.”

Nomura considered.Not getting responses must be driving Stricklander insane. Janus knew, the few times she dared to submit a report even a _little_ bit late, he’d be on her with the reprimands.

“There’s a first time for everything.”She held out her hand to Barbara.“Give it to me.”Barbara did.Nomura put the phone in her mouth and crunched into it.Alright, it wasn’t the best taste, but she could see why most trolls liked eating metal.Nomura made short work of the phone and washed it down with some fried rice.“Problem’s gone.”She grinned at Barbara.

“I guess.Though now I feel guilty for avoiding them.”

“Don’t.”Nomura gave her an exasperated look.“You’re taking care of yourself.They can deal with it or they aren’t worth your time.”That, and the next time she sees Stricklander, she can’t wait to see the look on face when he realizes she personally was partially to blame for his grief.

It occurred to Nomura, just then, that she had no idea when she’d see Stricklander again.Thus, she may never get that opportunity.Something twisted in her gut at the thought.

“Nomura, can I ask you something?”

Nomura turned her head toward Barbara.

“What are you planning to do when you reach New Jersey?”

Nomura frowned.The twist in her gut tightened.“It’s expected that I’ll help establish New Trollmarket.”Though, whether or not the trolls would tolerate her living there was debatable.

“No, I mean with your life?What do you want to do with yourself?If you don’t mind me asking.”

Nomura stopped herself from glaring.“I’ll figure it out then.Not much use in doing that now.”

She didn’t want to reveal she had never really thought of the future as a tangible thing to plan towards.Unless the plan was ‘survive until tomorrow’ or ‘take out the threat that jeopardizes me reaching tomorrow’.She’d never seen point in thinking past _that_ , because _that_ was her survival, and there was nothing more important to her.

“I’ll live.”Nomura said with noncommittal finality.“Tell me, why so interested in me all of a sudden?”

“I guess I just want to know what to do next myself.”Barbara shrugged.“Even when we manage to get the kids back to Arcadia, I’m not sure I want to return with them.”Her eyes turned downcast.“I know I’m not exactly wanted here, but it’s better—it _feels_ better—than everyone _wanting_ me to do things for them back in Arcadia.When I first got out here, I thought it would just be good to get a little time away.Now, it’s horrible of me—I know it is—but I don’t want to return to where they’re all just taking and taking and taking.I’m exhausted and, honestly, the thought of a fresh start?It’s nice.”

“Running away is a valid option.”Nomura replied flatly.“It’s worked for me for years.”

“And here I thought you were going to say something cheesy like running away from your problems is never the solution or something.”

Nomura chuckled.“You wouldn’t say that if you knew me better.”She got up and walked over to her bed.“We should get some rest.”She turned out the lamp before Barbara could reply.

Despite her words, Nomura didn’t fall asleep.She listened to the peaceful sounds of Barbara breathing as she did and wondered.

Once upon a time, she’d harbored the well-kept secret that she thought she could live out the rest of her life working at Arcadia’s museum.She even had a plan for when it would start to seem strange that she wasn’t aging.Numerous fake identities that could last her centuries.Sure, her initial posting there had been solely to attain a discreet location to build the Killahead Bridge.However, in her time at the museum, Nomura had truly begun to enjoy her work.Setting up the exhibits…she wasn’t sure how to describe it exactly, but it felt like a way to stay connected to the eras long past that she’d lived through.

Changelings didn’t have emotional connections.None of them could afford the luxury of _caring_ , as it so often lead to weakness.Nomura knew that better than anyone.She’d watched other operatives lose everything when the Order found out about their indiscretions.The one and only time she’d had one, she’d been able to play it off as a personally-initiated spying mission.She learned her lesson all the same.She swore she’d never repeat that experience.First and foremost, Nomura was a survivalist.Nothing else mattered so long as she was still breathing.

Yet, here she was, with her survival secure (for now).She had the opportunity to perhaps claim something else, something _more._

She had no idea what that something could be.Not really.

Perhaps the new trollmarket would have need of a curator for some kind of troll museum.Unless, of course, Blinky would take that duty for himself. 

Nomura pushed aside her thoughts and redoubled her efforts to get to sleep.It was no use thinking of such things.

Or her memories of Draal.

* * *

 

“Here, you look cold.”Nomura draped a blanket around Barbara’s shoulders that evening, when they returned to the main trolls’ camp.It had been a gray, drizzly day and a chill still lingered in the air.

After ruminating on it, Nomura had decided to build this ‘friendship’ with the doctor.Jim thought fondly of her right now, but that could change in the future.Having his mother as an ally could prove useful in time.

“Thank you.”Barbara smiled at her.

“Just don’t lose it,” Nomura grumbled.

Barbara held out one end of the blanket.“I won’t if you share it with me.”

Nomura told herself it was just because the drizzle made her stone skin uncomfortable.She _didn’t_ like being this close to another living being.It was a rational strategy only.The blanket was only meant to disarm Barbara.It and the gesture behind it would be useless if Barbara lost it.Therefore, she needed to ensure that that _didn’t_ happen.

Claire approached them a half hour later.“Hey, Nomura…?”Her eyes went from Nomura, to Barbara, and back again.Her brows furrowed as she considered the close proximity between them.“…Anyway, Jim’s helping Blinky—the trolls are edgy since we haven’t moved on while we wait for Krel to fix the ship.I was thinking it’s a good time for a magic lesson?”

Nomura stood.“Yes.Come with me.”She walked off without another word.

“So…” Claire began again when they reached a private clearing.

“You need to improve your stance.”Nomura responded quickly.“You need to be firmer.If you go up against an opponent better grounded, they would have no problem in defeating you.”

“Okay, yeah, you got me there.But what I was going to say was, you and Jim’s mom are spending a lot of time together.”Claire raised her eyebrows at Nomura.

Nomura frowned.“We camp together.We’re both women.Would you prefer she try to camp with you and Jim?”

“Well, no, but still.”Claire smiled wickedly at her.“Don’t tell Jim I said this, but everyone knows his mom has a _type_.”

Nomura lunged and swept under Claire, unbalancing the girl.“You’re time would be better spent working on your stance than such considerations.”

Claire laughed.“You didn’t say I was wrong.”

“CLAIRE!Claire!Claire!”One of the teens, Krel—or was it Eli?Nomura always forgot which it was that had the glasses—jumped over a log and raced up to them.He stopped breathless in front of them.“I did it!Get Jim!I did it!”He held out a pendant on a chain between them.“This device, powered by an exact duplicate I made of the stone Toby had in his chest of magical stones, will allow Jim to walk in daylight!”

Definitely Krel, Nomura thought, since he didn’t have the glasses.And the Eli boy tended to stutter when around her.

“That’s great!”Claire replied to him.“I’ll get Jim.This is definitely important enough to interrupt whatever he’s doing with Blinky.”

Then, the two were gone.Rushing back through the woods.

Nomura frowned.Of course.She wasn’t their friend.Why would they ask _her_ if she’d like the ability to walk in sunlight again?Which she _had_ lost when her familiar was rescued and her human form taken away.

She decided not to return to camp. _Not_ to sulk, but because she needed some time alone.

When Nomura did return, things were somehow worse.Even if they were supposed to be better.

Krel hadn’t just made a magic-powered device to help trolls walk in sunlight without use of the Amulet of Daylight.He’d also finished repairing the prototype spaceship.Everyone was gathered around it in a big, happy group.

Nomura leaned on a tree some distance away and watched them.She _didn’t_ care that theycould be happy with her absent.It made _no difference_ to her. _Absolutely_ no difference.

Eventually, Barbara approached her.

“I’m going back,” The doctor told Nomura.“I’ve been thinking about it and I can’t keep running away.I’m not sure how things will go, but I’ll deal with whatever comes.”She reached out with the blanket Nomura had given her earlier and offered it back. “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, Nomura.”

“Goodbye.”Nomura glanced over the doctor’s shoulder.“They’re getting ready to leave.You should return to them.”

“I—okay.”Barbara sighed.“Okay.Here’s my number.Well, my future number, since I have to get a new phone now.”She laughed quietly.“Call me if you ever want to talk.”

“Sure.”

The next morning, Nomura watched the prototype spaceship rise above the trees and fly off.Then, she turned around and walked away.She didn’t stop walking, even when she found herself far, far from camp.She found a shady glen to spend the day in and settled in.

_Whump_.

Nomura’s privacy was shattered by something landing heavily nearby.Footsteps approached her.She cracked one eye open.

“You’re getting better at the tracking spell,” Nomura told Claire.

Claire crossed her arms and scowled at Nomura.“Why did you leave?I thought you were coming with us.”

“Changed my mind.I’m not needed to build a new Trollmarket.”Nomura shrugged.It was the truth, wasn’t it?It wasn’t like she’d be able to establish home or friends there.Not that she wanted those things anyway.

Claire glared harder.“What about me?You _said_ you’d teach me magic.”

“You’re doing well.You can progress on your own from now on.”Nomura brushed her off.

“Nomura—”

“I’ve made up my mind.You won’t be able to track me again.”

Then Nomura was gone.

* * *

Nomura wandered the world.Why stay anywhere when she wasn’t wanted?Not that she _needed_ to be wanted.Not that she _cared._ Not _really_.It suited her better to be constantly on the move.She could survive this way.She didn’t have to like it.

* * *

_11:00 AM_

_1 New Message_

_From: Barbara Lake_

 

_Hi, Nomura, this is Barbara.I’m not sure if you’re going to get this…I found an old number for you in my contacts but since no one’s heard from you in a while…yeah so there’s something important I think you need to know about.Here in Arcadia.Just please, if you’re getting this, come back.Okay?I…you may not believe it, but you are missed.I’ve attached directions to where we’re living now._

 

Nomura read the message again while waiting at the gyre station.She hadn’t responded, but she was going back.Mostly because she was bored, she told herself.Bored and curious.In her travels, she’d heard rumors, of both Arcadia and New Trollmarket.Not that she wanted to be a part of them or their communities.Cause she didn’t.Definitely didn’t.But if there were truth to the rumors, then, maybe, they were worth seeing.At the very least.

Finally, her turn came to board the gyre.Then, she was rushing off toward Arcadia.

The city was indeed different than the last time Nomura was there.Much different.No one batted an eye at a troll in the streets.A cheery vendor sold her a sun-shielding umbrella when she stepped out of the gyre station.

Nomura ignored everything else in favor of just getting to her destination.She’d get this over with, and then go explore.

It took her a while to find the place.She hesitated before knocking on the door.

Instead of Barbara, a troll whelp answered.

It struck Nomura that they really hadn’t wasted time in getting to _that_ , but then she did a double take.The whelp’s features, she _recognized_ them.And they weren’t what she thought.

The troll whelp was turquoise-blue with flashes of indigo across her stone skin.Thin, bony white antlers rose from her head.They probably would have been thicker if she had a larger frame, which, despite the chubbiness of youth, she would never have.Nomura knew that.She recognized the signs.This troll, at least partially, was descended from _her_ own tribe.

“Baaarbaaarrraaa!”The whelp yelled back into the house.

“Reya, who is it—oh.”Barbara stopped when she saw Nomura.“Okay.Um, we need to have a talk. _Privately_.”

It wasn’t a complication story.Not really.After some prodding by Barbara, Nomura ended up doing most of the explaining.

During their relationship, Nomura and Draal had gotten drunk off glug one night.Either Nomura dared Draal or he dared her—Nomura couldn’t honestly remember—but they’d ended up creating a birthstone together.Nomura hadn’t really thought about it since then.It took thirty years for a troll infant to develop.She figured by the time theirs hatched, Draal would have found someone else to help raise the kid or adopt it out.

“I’m not a good influence.”Nomura hissed at Barbara while pacing the kitchen.“Let alone a _mother_.”

“I know.This is scary and uncertain, but please, please don’t run.”Barbara reached out to her.“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”She took a sharp breath.“We don’t have to tell Reya if you don’t want her to know.But, if you want a place here, with us, you have one.”

Nomura stared at the doctor.Considered.She should run.Go out the door.Never come back.Pretend none of this ever happened.It would be the best choice for her self-interests. _Surviving._

Yet.

Outside of an impulsive action thirty years ago, and even then that was more drunken impulse than actual _wanting_ , she hadn’t considered having a child or a family.She’d accepted her relationship with Draal as a lapse in judgement.A mistake.On so many levels. 

She’d accepted the others didn’t care for her while traveling to New Jersey.Though, she hadn’t stuck around long enough for them to fully reject her.

She’d accepted it was her lot in life to be alone.Constantly on the move.Living in the moment, because why plan for a future that could not be guaranteed?

She’d accepted so many things that…she didn’t really want or believed in.Not that she was certain that _this_ was what she wanted.

But the idea of home, of warmth, of _belonging_ kept her stuck to the spot in Barbara’s messy kitchen.

This, this opportunity was something entirely new.That made Nomura edgy.But.She didn’t want to run from it either.

She would stay.

And, eventually, she would be happy.


End file.
